Albums of the Decade

We just found out the decade is coming to an end. Dan and I wouldn't have even known, except Amanda Palmer tweeted that her record (That's right...I still say "record") was named to a best albums of the decade list. I totally agree, and not just because Amanda Palmer haunts my dreams. My sleeping dreams. Not my waking "I-am-a-practicing-Surrealist-and-therefore-all-I-undertake-assumes-a-certain-dreamlike-aspect" dreams. That would mean she were actually present somehow in my life. Which was briefly true when I went to see her at the Troubadour here in LA. She wore this pink kind of top-thing and...

Sorry. I'm back.

Ok, so "Who Killed Amanda Palmer" was on this list of the decade's best albums. But the other albums on there were like Jay Z & Linkin Park, Justin Timberlake, Panic at the Disco, and I was like "Damn, dude. I could make a better top-ten list than that." And then after like three days, Dan was like "Oh crap, we have a blog." That was about ten minutes ago, so here I am.

Best Albums of the Decade (in no order):
1. Unearthed by Johnny Cash
Every disc in this 5-disc collection could stand on its own just as ably as any of his American releases. And you may be like "Johnny Cash, I though you were Surrealists?" to which I respond: The biggest hit country music legend Johnny Cash had in the last decade of his career was a Nine Inch Nails song.

2. Who Killed Amanda Palmer by Amanda Palmer
The Dresden Dolls put out two amazing albums before Amanda Palmer wandered out on her own. I thought "I guess I'll buy it, but that drummer in The Dresden Dolls is really good..." Now I don't even remember his name, that's how good her solo record is. Plus, lots of Velvet Underground references, and that never hurts.

3. Blood Money by Tom Waits
Maybe I should like Alice more, since Alice in Wonderland is one of those pre-Surrealism Surrealist landmarks, but I don't. I like this one more. And I even like it more than Orphans, though that and it's entire disk of weird spoken word jokes and readings and ramblings runs a close second.

4. Only Just Beginning by Jason Webley
He has Surrealer albums, and more diverse albums, and more ambitious albums, but none more beautiful. Everyone should buy this album.

5. Hidden Hands of a Sadist Nation by Darkest Hour
Their next album, Undoing Ruin, was proclaimed the metal album of the decade even before it came out, but Undoing Ruin and later albums introduced the kind of vocals that all those whiny emo kids now fronting metal bands use. Listen, if I want to hear somebody sing, I'll listen to somebody else on this list (especially #6). If I want to listen to metal, I want Tomas Lindberg, formerly of At the Gates, yelling at me during the first track. Hidden Hands... it is.

6. The Reminder by Feist
She went on the Stephen Colbert show and dressed him up in that little blue dress she wore in the iPod commercial. That alone would merit inclusion on this list. But there's also the amazing album she put out, too, which, inexplicably changes the name of the Nina Simone standard "See-Line Woman" to "Sealion," which is kinda fun and also kinda a head-scratcher.

7. The Dust of Retreat by Margot and the Nuclear So-and-Sos
I wanted to not like this album, because they seem kind of whiny, too (see distaste for, referenced in #5, above), but instead it wound up on my albums of the decade list. I know they prefer their follow-up Animal!, and I'll pop in either Animal! or Not Animal from time to time too, but The Dust of Retreat has a timeless haunted quaility tied up in it's extravagently orchestrated indie pop songs that their later releases don't quite reach.

8. O Brother Where Art Thou Soundtrack
No secret that we like the Coen Brothers, but I can't say I'd ever given rootsy folk music a real hearing before this album. This single release did more for American roots music than any event since the Civil War.

9. In Rainbows by Radiohead
I was tempted to put this on the list just because of their distribution model (and their subsequent tight-lipped stance as to the results of the model), but that wouldn't be fair. As much as I enjoy Radiohead's odd digitial wanderings in the desert, this was the most cohesive release of theirs since OK Computer, and earns it's inclusion on this list and several others by its own merits, and not just for the social-industrial deconstructionalist dialogues it launched.

10. The Milk-Eyed Mender by Joanna Newsom
Still don't know what the title means, still don't care. No record in history has ever made me wish so desperately to know a harpist. Her follow-up Ys was more lush, more ambitious, and more epic, with track times running in double-digit minutes, but somehow Joanna Newsom putting her odd Applachia vocals and harp-and-harpsichord musical stamp on traditional song structures felt the more daring of the two things. Lots of people we know also leave the room when I put it on, which makes me a little sad, but also strokes my Surrealer-than-thou self-image.

That's it. Many of you may be disappointed that this list is in many ways so conventional (What?!? No Merzbox?!? you may be asking), but Dan can make his own list if he wants to and shut up about mine, already.

Vince out.

Where Have We Seen This Before?

Hey look! It's Beyonce's new video... It starts off with a Reservoir Dogs homage- and I use homage in the way Reservoir Dogs director Quentin Tarantino uses it- meaning they just ripped it off. (So is it actually a City of Fire reference?)

THEN, we get a glitchy shot of several Beyonces while she sings about being video taped- wait, I feel like I've seen this before... where have I seen this before?



Oh right! In our video for Mariah Carey's 'Touch my Body'!

Are we saying Beyonce ripped us off? No. Skip to 2:25 in the Beyonce video...



(Shakes fist at the sky) GAGA!

Why are you doing this to us? Everyone already give you all the surrealing points (like air-miles, but for surrealing) then you have to just start cold-clockery STEALING from us. We have nothing? Why are you doing this to us?

This is war or WaWa.

Dan

Hey! Look! Lady Gaga!

As we've said before, we're bored by Lady Gaga- however, people have chosen to ignore us as surrealist tastemakers and continue to refer to her as surreal. Whatever. Here's her new video. I can't say anything else about it, because I haven't watched it. But I'm posting it, because she's surreal right? At least according to you, and you would know right?

Great. Whatever. Hope you're happy.

Dan

Not Dead!

Just to clarify. We are not dead. We (Dan and Vince) are still around, still working at Starbucks, and still very much surreal.

Sorry for the lack of blogging, but we've been working on something big- you'll see it soon.

Dan

Hey Vince
I just typed a blog saying sorry we hadn't been blogging because we were working on a big art project
hahaha
that should keep people happy
now we just need to come up with something we could say we've been working on
since, actually, we haven't been working on anything.
Vince?
Hello?
Oh crap.
This isn't IM is it?
This is blogspot?
Meaning I'm typing all of this into a blog and not into IM?
Crap.

Us... Revealed!

We don't post many pictures of ourselves on our site- we don't NOT post pictures, we just don't post many pictures. We prefer to do our surrealling with words.

Anyway, we have Google Alerts set up to gauge public reaction to our work- and it was thanks to one such alert that we found this picture...



... entitled DanandVince-1.jpg. So there it is, and there we are.

Dan (the bird)

What the Fuppet?

So duh, the Muppet Show did some weird stuff- "Mahnahmahnah" anyone? But the folks at Topless Robot recently put together a list of The Muppet Show's 10 Weirdest Moments and- damn. There will never be anything like this on TV again.

Anyway, the above skit is number 1 on the list, but don't prevent that from checking out the rest of the list...

1 blog, 0 original thoughts. Score!

Dan

More from HalfEatenDimSum...

A while ago we talked about our new favorite Australian (?) metal/dada/songwriter/filmmaker/animator/prankster/Kerry King-hating YouTube User HalfEatenDimSum... Remember? No? Well... whatever.

Anyway, we did.

And then today, we decided to check back in and see what our friend HalfEaten was up to these days...

Well, he's still making experimental films:



... and "writing" "songs":



... and performing heavy metal on an acoustic guitar:



Except now he also gives relationship advice:



And advances his own theory about the Kennedy assassination:



(Shrug)

Long story short, he's a million times better than Fred.

Dan

Sandwich as Surreal Art

Being a surrealist, I tend to think outside of the box- but even so, I never thought that there would ever be an honest to God surreal sandwich. Think about it, what would a surreal sandwich consist of?

Take the state of Montana, slather on fortitude, three pickles, and our blend of spices (a mixture of Danny Elfman and forest fires), lay it on top of two microchips, grill it like a panini and serve it underwater.

Yeah, but you can't eat that. Anyway, KFC went ahead and made what appears to be an actual, edible surreal sandwich, The Double Down.

The above video made the rounds online last week, but I didn't think it was real- but then Fox News confirmed it:



Now I usually wouldn't use Fox News as a source for anything, and if you were to do so I would ridicule you to the point that it would be embarrassing for both of us. However, I really wanted to write this article so I could include the hilarious "surreal sandwich" description I posted just a few inches back...

Dan

Reader E-mail: "Robert De Niro to Sue Over Paintings"

This note got lost in the mail, which sucks because it seems like it's about a pretty big news story- one that combines our interest in art/film. Fortunately, no one else has broken this explosive story- so here goes...

-----Original Message-----
From: Anthony.Penny
Sent: Wednesday, November 19, 2008 5:14 AM
Subject: Robert De Niro to Sue Over Paintings

compare the best brands

Vultures

Insomuch

Again

Gainst

Rope

Again

Liberty

Estimations

Vultures

Insomuch

Terrified

Rope

Again

Countless

Insomuch

Again

Liberty

Insomuch

Swears

here it is

Thanks Anthony, Penny, whatever.

Dan

JuggalUpdate

Why haven't we been blogging? Because we were at the muthafuqin GATHERING OF THE JUGGALOS!



Okay, we weren't really there. We were just joking, hope we didn't mislead anyone. Anyway, it's too bad we didn't go because it seems like the place to be if you're into underage and/or overweight women.

That was mean, actually. I feel bad I said that.

In actuality the worst part of being at the Gathering would be the dudes- they all seem to be that type of dude, a descendant of the hateful jock/frat boy of my youth who really loves metal and ends up at the Slayer concert, shirtless, screaming out requests for "Seasons in the Abyss" over and over again, right in your ear, then when they finally play it (as they were planning to, not because of his yelling) he goes nuts and starts a little mosh-pit with the people around him (you) and he's shirtless and possibly on PCP so you're accidentally getting to second base with him while he punches you in the face. Then the song ends, he yells "yeah!" (again, in your ear) then shakes your hand and give you a high-five as if you two had just been through some sort of combat together- and in a way YOU have, but not him, but he doesn't know. Then, when they start playing their next song, let's say "Captor of Sin," he offers you a joint, you turn it down, he looks up at the band, and yells out "Angel of Death!!!" (again, in your ear).

Anyway, imagine that guy described above but with shittier taste in music, and wearing clown make-up, in the woods, times several thousand.

Anyway, VideoGum posted the above video, they've got pictures and stuff too. Check it out. And from the looks of it, Andrew WK was nowhere in sight.

Dan

The Gathering of the Juggalos

Jesus Christ. Juggalos are fans of the Insane Clown Posse, so apparently they are people who have never heard good music- or even most bad music, since most music I would consider unlistenable is a million times better than anything to ever come from the Insane Clown Posse, Twiztid, Zwiggy Zwill, Squeezy G, etc. Anyway, these people gather together in the woods once a year (a week the rest of the world knows as "the week without Subway sandwich artists") and they do this...



So they're a "family" or whatever, which is sort of believable since there seems to be some inbreeding going on here, and I'll admit it seems positive and it would be kind of cool to see Gwar and Ice Cube- but keep in mind all of these people are going to leave their Mom's couch for a week and fly out to wherever this is and camp out in the woods to listen to the FUCKING INSANE CLOWN POSSE (it's like when Muslim's visit the holy land- their words, not mine).

Anyway, this has been going on for ten years, and last year "performance artist" Andrew WK went and represented. I'm not a fan of the guy's music, but I am a fan of the guy (note to self: Andrew WK-related post sometime soon) and so here's what he did when standing in front of a group of (apparently deaf) kids wearing clown make-up...



Keep in mind, the people booing Andrew WK, are the same people who had no problem sitting through a performance from Afro-Man... So, needless to say, if we have to pick sides in this argument, we're going with Andrew WK all the way- you're free to pick your own side, but... seriously?

Dan

Marriage: The Surrealist Version

The surreal proposal:



The surreal wedding:



The surreal divorce:



Ta-da!

Dan

Dash Snow Tribute Project

So Dash Snow is dead. We're thinking of a tribute- but we're going to need some money... we're going to need enough money to buy a few of his pieces of art, the jizz ones. Because then (and this is where the tribute comes in) we are going to ejaculate on them.

Take that for what you will... But if anyone wants to donate (money, not semen), let us know...

What? Too Soon? Yeah, kind of, but that's the point- this wouldn't be funny (as if it is now) in two years when the fickle art world has picked someone new to "love/hate". Like Jimmy Jim Bill Steve, who cuts off his own weiner then paints with the blood from his severed member until he passes out and dies.* He'll be great.

Dan

* Not a real person, but don't let that stop anyone out there from starting a Wikipedia page for him.

Best Movie Ever?

Yeah. Best. Movie. Ever.



If any of our readers were planning on making movies, you might as well kill yourself because you're never going to make anything as great as Hot Tub Time Machine.
Seriously.

Dan

A Blog Not About Lady Gaga...

People keep wanting us to talk about Lady Gaga- and here's the thing. We don't wanna.

Yeah she wears weird outfits and puts on a crazy show. That's cool, we like that- we like that she's having fun with fashion to the point that she's mocking it and making the audience wonder what the point of it all is. But... first and foremost she's a musician- and her music is awful. Just terrible, worthless crap.

I doubt there will be a popular song worse than "Pokerface" this year- and I hate popular music so I think it's all terrible, but there is something especially scornful about the song's bland forgettable, verse and it's over-simplified chorus. "Pa-pa-pa". It's the sort of song a child would write- if a child were stupid.

So, you're not going to see any Lady Gaga on this blog, until:

A. She abandons music and admits that she is a performance artist above all else.
B. She writes music that isn't awful.

And, Gagadamnit! Can we stop throwing around the word "genius" everytime someone manages to write a pop song?

Dan

Best Story Ever?

Yeah, best story ever.



I mean granted I've heard variations on this story (except instead of an monkey, they thought it was an elf, and instead of in a bar, they put the kid in the closet... for some reason). Anyway, slow news day- surrealism wise.

Dan

THIS GUY! Will Save us All!

Earlier (like, months earlier, back when we were productive bloggers) we lamented about David Blaine squandering his super-powers, choosing to pee on himself instead of saving kids from Niagra Falls.

But forget about David Blaine, we're over him ever since we saw this video at VideoGum. This guy can save us all.

And, yeah, I know, this isn't really surrealism-related, I just wanted an excuse to post back to that David Blaine post, because I thought it was funny...

Dan

SURREALISM AROUND THE WORLD: FRANCE

Well, on this Bastille Day, God bless the French for keeping at it and trying to be Surreal, even if the results (as catalogued by this series) are somewhat mixed.

As a treat for Charles De Gaulle's birthday today, we're giving our loyal reader this video of French prankster Remi Gaillard recreating the opening scenes of SAVING PRIVATE RYAN...and, by extension, D-Day...on Normandy beach as (some nude) sunbathers and one very humourless golfer look on in confusion and irritation.



And finally, we leave you with this: C'est la fin des haricot verts.

La Marseillaise!

Vince out.

Dash Snow, R.I.P.

Gawker is reporting that our one-time rival Dash Snow has passed away from a heroine overdose. I think they summed it up best:

Whether you liked his art or not, you have to admire the fact that he was a unique dude. R.I.P.

Dan

Surreal Storytelling...

So, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland... that's surreal, right? It's got to be, because why else would we be compelled to post this video of Mary Louise Parker, in her underwear, reading from Alice's Adventures in Wonderland?

What's that you say? Because of the "Mary Louise Parker in her underwear part?" Hey, listen buddy, I don't know what kind of blog you think we run here- but if we were only interested in posting videos of women in their underwear, this blog would be a whole lot easier to write- Not that we're above posting videos of women in their underwear (see below), they just have to be doing something surreal... but not, like, freaky or weird or anything...

So, anyway here's something:




Dan

Watch it While You Can!

We got a note from YouTube.

danandvince,

Something Something Something...

YouTube

I don't know what it said actually, I deleted it. Anyway, long story short, our video 'Touch My Body (dnv Vidya Remix)' might not be on there forever. So, kids, watch it while you can...



Dan

Another Weird Guest for Letterman...

So we've talked about David Letterman's 'misfortune' when it comes to surreal guests. But something really surreal happened last night. Sasha Baron Cohen went on- as himself.



Traditionally, this wouldn't be weird, like if Jack Hanna or Rosie Perez did it (way to pick examples, Dan) but Cohen will traditionally stay in character when promoting a movie, like he did on Conan a while back:



Cohen is funny, and his characters are funny, and so his appearances in character are usually also funny- however, the whole going-on-a-talk-show-in-character thing kind of rubs me the wrong way. Maybe it's because Andy Kaufman did it well, or because Andy Dick does it so poorly. Either way I just don't like the concept of going on a talk-show in character, even though I normally like seeing Cohen do it. (I hate the concept of the piece, but like the art itself, similar to Britney Spears' 'Toxic') So seeing the artist instead of the character was actually nice, especially when Cohen is one of the most interesting artists working in Hollywood today.

Third most interesting, after us.

Anyway, poor Dave- the dude can not catch a break!

Dan

Unintentional Surrealism in Book Form

Damn! Blogging... I remember this. This was fun.

Anyway, we've been away from the blog for a while, but we're still us, we're still living the la vida surreal- just not as much, and we haven't really been about to talk about it. At least not here, on this blog.

Anyway, enough about us- let's talk about this book, Moon People- because damn this book looks awesome!

Here's an excerpt:


I am so happy this book exists. So ridiculously happy. I just ordered a copy, I'll keep you posted on the awesome-ness that is inside!

Dan

[h/t Buzzfeed]

ART WE LIKE: Regina Spektor Surrealist Videos

ART WE LIKE is a sometimes column where we, Dan and Vince, present art that doesn't suck.

To our knoweldge, only one such video exists, and that's this one. But it effectively riffs on Escher, Magritte, and probably some others, but I honestly only watched the first minute-thirty before I thought "Crap, I should blog this. This is cool." I'll watch the rest in a second.

Maybe you've heard of Regina Spektor, maybe not. We really hadn't, but apparently she made some waves with her last album because it was pop...but it wasn't. Which may be appropriately Surreal, and we shall investigate.

It has also come to my attention that Regina Spektor is friends with Amanda Palmer, who I maintain I do not have a crush on. And not only because Neil Gaiman is cooler than me and already dating her.

Vince out.

Michael Jackson, King of Pop Surrealism

It's been two months since we've blogged, and right now I'm hiding in the freezer at Starbucks with my manager's iPhone that I swiped from her purse to try to blog this out. So here goes:

Michael Jackson died today.

In all the insanity (practised surrealism?) of his later years, what gets lost is that this guy was a force of nature. There have been better albums written, to be sure, but in a lot of ways Thriller was *the* high water mark for the album as art form. The album was a phenomenon that remains completely unrivaled in music. It's the highest-selling album of all time, Vincent Price narrated the music video, Eddie Van Halen performed the solo on Beat It, Paul McCartney appeared on The Girl is Mine, and Weird Al Yankovic owes the fact that anybody ever heard of him to Michael Jackson's popularity. When I was six years old, I had a 3D View-Master reel of the Thriller video. The album -- an album! -- spun off merchandising that rivaled what Pixar has done with its most successful films. Plus, that shot of Jackson with the cat's eyes at the end of the Beat It video creeped the shit out of me for years.

Look, he was an odd man in a lot of pain and who never really inhabited the world the rest of us live in. But he raised the bar both for pop music and doing weird crap in public that makes everybody scratch their heads...which, as practicing Surrealists, we can do nothing but endorse.

We'll see you around, Michael. And wherever you are, may the sidewalks light up when you step on them.

Vince out.

More About Hemmingway

I got all inspired by our reCAPTCHA Poetry post, and started wondering what other types of media we could mess with in some new way to create other works derived from the same media. I entered a discovery phase.

At CVS, I saw Hemmingway's "The Sun Also Rises" on audiobook, as read by William Hurt. I grabbed it, figured what the hell. As I walked home, I wondered what to do with it...maybe put it on random and record that, and release that as art, so it would be these three-minute blocks of Hemmingway out of context and with no relation to what came before or after. Or maybe I could get several audio books, and combine tracks at random, or maybe just audio books read by William Hurt, or...

And then I listened to it, and I got all off track. Because William Hurt, Academy Award-winning actor, reads the entire book like this: "The followING DAY...the FIesTA...explODEd. There is no...other WAY...to DEscribe it." Like he's reading it on a boat in rough seas, and inflecting his voice along with the waves, completely irrespective of the contents of the sentences or their punctuation. It's hella disorienting, and as if Hemmingway wasn't choppy enough already...

This got me thinking about William Hurt -- who used to like to punch deaf girls while drunk -- and wondering...is this is what it sounds like in his head when he reads? And if it is, how could he have ever possibly enjoyed reading anything? Or is he somehow channelling Shatner (my next audiobook purchase)?

Vince out.

Collected Twitter, 10.14.08 - 04.20.09

Let's keep talking about Twitter. The thing with it is that it moves so damn fast. You blink and you'll miss a gem- most likely a gem from us. So what we're going to do is present some of our choice tweets here in the only-slightly-more-permanent blog form, starting with our first tweet all the way up until yesterday:

Now we Twitter...

Knock knock. Who's there? Twitter. Twitter who? Twitter dot com. Did you confuse my door with your internet browser again? Yes... del,del...

I guess it's for the best you can't Twitter while you sleep, how many posts do you need that just say "zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz"?

I have nothing to say right now- and with Twitter I am able to express that.

It's a different year now. Is everyone okay? Did everybody survive the calender conversion process?

The sun will be coming up in New York in three hours. I'm in LA. If I can move fast enough, I will stop it. I've been drinking. - Vince

We didn't twitter a single line about the inauguration today because it wasn't surreal- well, other than Aretha Franklin's hat.

Sort of disappointing that Will.I.Am is the unofficial musician for this Inauguration. We would have picked John Zorn, but whatev. #inaug09

Our tweet about the Clintons is now on a list of "Tweets about Hilary Clinton or Clinton" - http://tinyurl.com/akf3f5

The purpose of that last post was to get that list to list my post about their list listing our post, because I think that would be awesome!

Tonight's NBC programming is in 3-D... if you have glasses, if you don't it's just sort of blurry. Just like real-life!

Say what you will about (Michael) Phelps (after the "bong photo" surfaced), but he is a superhero so we don't want him on our bad side- especially when the underwater zombies show up.

I just made a TinyUrl link that take you to TinyUrl.com- I beat the system! Check it out - http://tinyurl.com/u

have found chocolate-flavored Pez. And we find them creepy.

#thishashtagindicatesthattheonlytextinthispostISthehashtagwhichmakessensesinceitsareallonghastag Please everybody, start using that #hashtag

Damn it! We totally forgot to Tweet during the time-change! It would have been like we were tweeting from 1 hour in the future.

BTW, one hour in the future (where we are right now) everyone is totally over Twitter. The new social networking site? PooPictures.com

BTW, I didn't bother to check if poopictures.com is actually a real website (and I won't), it was for comedy only, visit at your own risk.

For future reference, Customers don't like it when you replace the soy milk in their coffee with a muffin... even if you say "#AprilFools!"

IMPORTANT: There's a big difference between an ice pick and a frozen water pick. #advice

This year, Miss USA will have a new "environmentally-friendly" crown. The old crown was made out of styrofoam and precious metals.

If I'm a journalist and I tell your story, your story becomes "my story," plus I've got my own story... Journalists = Story-collectors

If someone died in your arms in the wild west, you would probably be responsible for burying them.

So, hope that wasn't too self-indulgent... or at least not more self-indulgent than having a blog or being on Twitter. Not greater then the sum of its parts in self-indulgence-ness is what I'm saying...

Anyway, as you can see our misc. thoughts are as good as or better than Hemingway's so you should totally be following us on Twitter- because Hemingway isn't on Twitter. He's dead. Sorry to break it to you this way.

Dan

Failed #Hashtags

So, we're on Twitter. Duh. Everybody's on Twitter. (Even our boss- even your Mom, which doesn't come as much of a surprise since, according to the kids in the neighborhood, she's sort of a early-adopter of social networking websites- if you catch my drift.)

Anyway, #hashtags are the cool thing on Twitter- basically they're little subject headings for your little posts so people can search for results based on what you're talking about. Anyway, the really cool ones become memes, and, as everyone knows, memes make you money, and, as our readers know, we need money. So, we've been trying (poorly) to start some #hashtag memes. Here is a gallery of our failure.

1. #twittervandalism
Inspired by our series of blogs about Wikipedia Vandalism, we figured we should apply the same treatment to the micro-blog. Twitter-hijacking is surprisingly common- though the recent Tila Tequila thing may kind of put a damper on it- or at least put a damper on it being "funny" or "art."

2. #knockknock
We thought by posting the hashtag #knockknock, people would respond with #whosthere, then we'd say #bananas, then they'd say #bananaswho, then we'd say #orangeyougladididntsaybanana, then they'd says #lolwot. We thought that would be funny. Apparently it wasn't. Sorry, we wasted your time.

3. #onlyats
Okay, now this one I genuinely thought people would dig. It's a game, spell out a sentence by only using valid Twitter user-names. It has yet to take off... Which is really too bad, because unlike those other ones- I really, really believed that #onlyats was going to be the meme-money-train straight to our door.

You know who drives the meme-money train? Rick Astley. True story.

Sorry for all our failures. I guess that's why we're working where we're working...

Dan

Surrealism Around the World: Naked in Paris

This is...well, borderline surreal, I guess. But it's from Paris, where surrealism is also from, and where that little girl told the story about Winnie the Pooh and the crocodile killing the witch in the forest, so I figured we needed to give it a shout out.



French pole vaulting champion Romain Mesnil lost his sponsorship deal with Nike, so he made the symbolic gesture of running through Paris totally naked, apart from his two poles. One of them has a black box over it in this video.

I don't know. I guess it's surreal. But we haven't highlighted any Surrealism Aroudn the World in a while, so it'll do.

Vince out.

ART WE LIKE: Ori Gersht

Here's what Ori Gersht does:
1) he creates still lives, like so many artists before him, then
2) he sets up a camera, like so many artists before him, then
3) blows the shit out of the still lives, and finally
4) records the destruction on a high-speed camera

His video Pomegranate is literally just him shooting a pomegranate with a gun in extrememely slow motion. Enjoy.

Reader E-mail: "Call to confirm !!!"

We've been talking a lot about how we're struggling to make money while making art- and we're not asking for charity, we're just telling you what's what. And we are accepting charity when it becomes available. Like today, when one reader (who wished to remain anonymous) forwarded us basically one million euros in the form of this note:

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: Mrs. Roselyn Gomez. <bristolwestb55@aol.com>
Date: 2009/4/15
Subject: Call to confirm !!!
To:


MICRO WORD.COM CORPORATIONS,
CUSTOMER SERVICE:
MADRID SPAIN/ESPANA.
APARTADO DE CORREOS 48, 28230 las Rozas,

REFERENCE NO: MSFT-0200-X74-RS
BATCH NO: MSFT-2009- GM-0221

OFFICIAL WINNING NOTIFICATION.

Welcome to Micro word.com Corporation annual promotions, We are
pleased to inform you of the released results of Sweepstakes Promotion
organized by Micro word.com Corporations, in conjunction with the
foundation for the Promotion of software products, held this April 2nd
2009, here in Madrid-Spain.

Your email address emerged as one of the on-line Winning emails, in the
1st category and therefore You have been approved for a cash award
1,000,000.00; MILLION Euros (ONE MILLION EUROS) this is from a total cash
prize of TEN MILLION EUROS Shared among the ten International winners in
the 1st category.

To begin your claim, do file for the release of your winning by contacting
our Accredited agent: Foreign Transfer Manager MICRO WORD.COM CORPORATIONS.

Mr. Andy Phillips Cole.
Tel: +34-634-105-922
Email: andyphillipsc@aol.com

NOTE: All the members of Spanish MSFT Word Resource Consortium Software Promotion Companies.

Remember your winning must be claimed not later than two weeks of notification after this
date funds might be returned to the MICRO WORD RESOURCE MADRID, this Internet E-mail draw is held periodically,

And is organized to encourage the use of the Internet users, And to
promote computer literacy worldwide.

Congratulations!!!

Sincerely,
Mrs. Roselyn Gomez.
Promotions Manager.

Og boy! Here's our reply:

Roz,

A friend sent us this e-mail and we are so down. We need the money- Can you buy shoes with Euros? We've got a plan for an art project we can do with our "1,000,000.00; MILLION Euros (ONE MILLION EUROS)," but we're going to need a lot of shoes. A. Lot. Of. Shoes. In fact, forget the money, just go ahead and send us the shoes. Or perhaps it would be in the interest of microword.com to stop producing software and start producing shoes. Seriously- we're going to need that many.

Jesus! You have made our day, here we sit, at work, almost completely shoe-less (we currently have a total of 4- orders from corporate), and tomorrow we will literally be able to swim in shoes. Shoes! Shoes! Shoes!

I've just been talking about us this whole time, tell me about you Roz, we're going to be friends now, after all you did give us 1,000,000.00; MILLION Euros (ONE MILLION EUROS) for shoes- do you like shoes? Really? What kind of shoes?

It's crazy the way things worked out, judging by the amount of extraneous exclamation points in your subject heading I didn't think we were going to get along. I was so naive.

Dan

We'll keep you posted!

Dan

reCAPTCHA poetry

For those of you who don't remember, Tristan Tzara, one of the founders of Dada, used to cut up Shakespeare's sonnets one word at a time, put the words in a hat, select them at random, and reassemble them into Dadaist poetry.

Well, now it's the 21st century, and Dan and Vince are bringing you the play-at-home version. reCAPTCHA, which you've probably all done, is using internet security to digitize books and old issues of the New York Times. So everytime you solve a reCAPTCH to buy tickets to some Miley Cyrus concert or to tell your dumb friends on Facebook what color your poo was, you're helping preserve knowledge! But, if you keep a running tab, you're also creating Dadaist poetry.

Here's one I just made:

60 reply Euston 34
Rader Gatling net Schuman which Reeves Belzner;
Market price result clear-cut
Wassily success
heart hated two

Beautiful! It's like cutting up sonnets, except the interwebs are your scissors, and the whole of printed, English-language knowledge is your construction paper. Create art my friends...create art. Do it yourself here:

http://recaptcha.net/learnmore.html

Vince out.

No Blewg!

So, here we sit, Dan and Vince, literally the former highest-respected art bloggers in the world, now reduced to forgetting to blog, making fraps for far less-deserving bloggers.

We're sorry you have to see us like this.

Here's a random thing that I didn't watch...



Seriously, I didn't watch that. Don't know what it is. Don't care. Just trying to blog.

Dan

Talking Bear

Okay, so... we've been working. Not on art, we've been working for money, which is very different, it's less fun but more "good for society."

Whatever.

Anyway, I'm conflicted about it, because on the one hand it gives me a lot of time to think about stuff- art stuff. Blogs. Installations. Movies. Basically, I like to think that Starbucks isn't paying me to make coffee, they're paying me to think and come up with crazy art.

Like today, for example, I came up with this idea for a blog post. Something about a talking bear... Was it a funny story about a talking bear? Some new meme involving a talking bear? Perhaps I had a dream about a talking bear?

I have no idea.

And that's the bad part of having a job. I come up with a lot of stuff- but I forgot almost as much stuff. Probably about 98% of the thoughts I have in a given day I end up forgetting... And frankly after our first verbal warning, I just can't take the risk of blogging while on the clock.

So, "talking bears"! Anyone know what that's referring to? I tried googling it but all I found was the image at the top of the page there. I suppose it is lost to the ether.

Sorry everyone.

Dan

"I hope today's blog is better than yesterdays..."

Uh- what? You didn't like the video, I thought-

"I thought you said that every Thursday you would publish an 'Art We Like' column."

Well, yeah, but dude... I'm trying...

"No you're not, you're just throwing some crap in this little window, trying to get together what can barely be considered a blog so that I'll leave you alone!"

Okay fine, voice that haunt me every time I open up blogspot, I'll try harder. I will I swear.

"Good. Now how's the job?"

It's going alright. I just wish people weren't so dumb though, you know?

"Yeah... I know... I used to wait tables and-"

Oh, see I didn't even know that about you. Wow. But, yeah, you know, it's like 'for the last time a berry chai infusion doesn't have milk in it, we're infusing berries and chai- can't you read'?

"No milk? Weird..."

Yeah, I guess maybe it's not that obvious...

"I don't know, maybe it is, I'd have to see the sign."

It's just a chalk drawing actually...

"So, we'll get a better blog tomorrow?"

Yeah, you will. I'm sorry.

Dan

Crispin Glover is for the Children!

I've got nothing to say about this- plus, I've got fraps to make. Gotta go!

Dan

The Magic of YouTube, Lying... (Actual Post)

So, weird thing... that last post? I apparently typed what I was supposed to be saying out loud, also, apparently, I said out loud what I was supposed to be typing here. HTML code and all. No wonder that guy looked at me so weird... Anyway, after he spoke to Sarah the Hun (aka, our manager) and I got my (actually, our) first verbal warning, I am now back on my laptop, fixing my mistake.

Here's what I meant to say:

YouTube is a magical place, magical because of stuff like this:

Now before I post this, I have to tell you this is supposed to be a TV commercial featuring Kerry King and other thrash metal guys. Sounds cool, huh? Well not as cool as this:



Congratulation YouTube user HalfEatenDimSim, you have left us completely dumbstruck.

Other videos in this dada/metal/prankster's cannon include...

How to play Slayer's Dead Skin Mask:



I'm sensing some sort of resentment for Kerry King here...

But Megadeth get some of the same baffling treatment:



And then an optical illusion:



And then some original songs... you can look at those on your own time and not "Starbucks' time" or at least that's what my manager says.

Dan

The Magic of YouTube, Lying...

Yeah, there's an extra charge for the soy milk... it's worth it though... yeah, it's what I always get.

Dan

Not Just Gibberish, Libelous Gibberish

We, Dan and Vince, respect Courtney Love.

Not for her music, or her acting, or her"rock star antics". We love her for her absurd online rants. They are absolute works of art- or at least that's what we think- but not what some other people think.

What?

Corks is getting sued for some of these rants. Check out the deets here. It sucks that none of Corks' earlier, crappier "art" never got her sued, it's only now that she has discovered the medium that works best for her (MySpace, Twitter, and apparently the comments section at Etsy.com), people get all litigious. Not fair! You can't stop art!

But on the plus side, it turns out Corks has a twitter page- fans of stream-of-consciousness-rock-star-dada click here and then rejoice!

Dan

Our Impact is Apparent...

Now we've been talking a lot about Unintentional Surrealism in Film and Television, basically we're for it.

Anyway, our push has appeared to have an impact.

We present an actual trailer for an actual movie, it's called After Last Season:



I am sooooo God Damned Excited!

Check out the film's official site here.

Bellyaching About Work is Better Than Bellyaching About No Work

You know who sucks? Customers.

Vince: Yeah?
Dumb Customer: Mmm...yeah. Hang on.
Vince: It's cool. Not like anybody's waiting. Here at this Starbucks. At 7:30 in the morning.
(annoyed look from customer)
Dumb Customer: Then I'll just have some tea.
Vince: You're in a Starbucks. We sell coffee. What kind of coffee would you like?
Dumb Customer: You also sell tea.
Vince: Who works here? You, or me? We sell coffee.
Dumb Customer: And tea. Like that stuff right there.
(customer points behind me)
Vince: Not falling for that.
Dumb Customer: You have boxes, and boxes of tea just to the left of your head.
Vince: And my shoe's untied. I know.
(Sarah Walpole, aka Sarah the Hun, aka our new manager, walks up as the line of waiting customers threatens to queue up out the door and onto the sidewalk)
Sarah the Hun: Vincent? Turn your head to the left and sell the woman some tea.
(I turn my head to the left. I see boxes of tea.)
Vince: Well...tea is for women.

I've been asked that Dan take the shift tomorrow. All because of that Dumb Customer.

Vince out.

APRIL FOOLS!

I think there's a thin line between "pranks" and "lies," but 'tis the season so whatever.

Anyway, the BBC have a history of pulling April Fools' Day Pranks, like this one:



The best part?

"Huge numbers of viewers were taken in. Many called the BBC wanting to know how they could grow their own spaghetti tree. To this the BBC diplomatically replied, 'place a sprig of spaghetti in a tin of tomato sauce and hope for the best.'"

Check out a list of other April Fools' Day Pranks at the Huffington Post.

In related news, if you swing by the Starbucks we work at, Free Americanos, all day, any size, seriously.

Dan

Blog Blog

Okay guys, we need to discuss the fact that all of our blogging recently has been about the fact that we don't blog. And now that it appears we're blogging again, well, it looks like we'll have to come up with something else to blog about. Perhaps we shall blog about how we consistently blog? So something like...

woke up today, typed a blog, this blog, that you're reading, see, now I'm almost done with it, I'm still typing it now, but I think I'm almost done... almost... alonst... ouch, made a typo in that last word... and... done!

So, clearly, this is going to be awesome!

Dan

Talk of a Corporate Take-Over is Exaggerated

Okay guys, we need to discuss this lack of blogging.

Check this out, do you guys want to buy a surreal story? Like you give us a few bucks and we tell you something weird- "she models for potato chips!" or whatever? Does that interest you?

Of course not!*

Turns out it doesn't really interest anyone. So we, Dan and Vince, have had to get real-world jobs to support the surrealing for a little while. It's a recession. Things are tough all over, and if we make machiatos during the day, it ensures that our art can remain free from any kind of corporate-ness... Think about it:

Last night we filled a fountain with Mountain Dew brand soda, and covered the ground around it with Doritos brand Dorito chips. It's like giant chips and queso in hyper-color and backwards. This surrealing is brought to you by Pepsi Co.**

Anyway, I've got to get back to this venti caramel mocha (making it, not drinking it) but, hey, we'll talk soon. Or whatevz... we'll get our crap together soon. Thanks for reading.

Dan

* If you do want to pay, let us know, we'll work something out.
** Note to self: Approach Pepsi Co. about Fountain prank.

Let's Change Topics!

"Hey, how come you guys never blog or Twitter anymore?"

Hey, how come your face?

"What?"

Shut up! Look at this Britney Spears did something weird. She said Merry Christmas to her audience- in March, what a cooky* broad!



Seriously, what a weird way to throw people off... let's call it surreal.

At least somebody's being surreal...

Dan

* No idea how to actually spell that word- if it's a real word, which I don't think it is, but I know it's not c-o-o-k-i-e, that's a different word. A delicious word.

Blog Time!

Okay, okay, okay, okay... It's ridiculous the lack of blogging from us, Dan and Vince, the last few days. We don't even have any sort of excuses- nothing. Just laziness.

So, how do we, Dan and Vince, make it up to you, our loyal readers?

Well, we have to blog. Blog like there's no tomorrow. Just blog, blog, blog, blog, blog.

Sure we tweet, but tweeting ain't blogging! Tweeting ain't nothing! We gotta blog!

So, how to blog? Well let's make sure we have a topic- everytime. Well, right now the topic is blogging. Done.

The topic needs to be current- blogging isn't some slow moving dinosaur like a newspaper or 24-hour news channel, blogging is now. Cool. None of the mainstream media is covering our lack of blogging. It's exclusive to here!

Then you need to express an opinion. It's ridiculous we don't blog more. Especially considering how easy it is. Done and done.

Great blog everyone! See you tomorrow!

Dan

Joaquzzzzzzzz

Hey look! Yawn. Joaquin did something...



Listen, dude, I know we were real supportive of this at first, but this really better be the third act of your movie because I think we're all a little sick of it.

Sort of like blogging, apparently.

Dan

The Unofficial Luis Awards Short Film Category

There are lots of surreal short films made every year. In fact the short film format is preferable to the feature when it comes to being surreal. And this is the exact reason we didn't have a "Best Short Film" category at the Luis Awards. We would, without a doubt, have over-looked something really fantastic and deserving.

But if we were to venture a guess at who would have won had we had this category based solely on what we HAD managed to see, it would have been Western Spaghetti by PES. you can see it up at the top of the page there.

But of course if we did say that- we would then receive tons of e-mails from all of you "what about blegh and blah blah? Didn't you see blah blah" and then we'd go "no" and then you'd go "well you should actually watch movies if you're going to give awards" and then we'd say "tell that to the Hollywood Foreign Press Association. Zing!" and then you'd go "huh?" and then we'd go "ask your mom. Zing!" and by then you'd just stop caring.

Dan

That Rob Lowe Thing EXPLAINED!

Dan here, sorry about my lack of posting- I've been nursing a Post-Luis hangover- it seriously took a week. Anyway, if you read the blog a lot you've noticed we've developed a temporary obsession with Rob Lowe's Oscar Opening, even though I'm not sure why... maybe it's because Joaquin just hasn't been that entertaining the last few days... I'm not sure.

Well, anyway, Jimmy Kimmel asked Rob Lowe about this atrocious crap- and then Rob Lowe talked about it. True story.



Dan

(h/t Deadline Hollywood Daily)

Introducing The Twitterverse Project

Everyone's favorite Surrealists, Dan and Vince, are attempting to create the most elaborate fiction the world has ever seen, and we need your help.

Welcome to the Twitterverse! The Twitterverse only has two rules: 1) You cannot be who you say you are, and 2) You cannot be doing what you say you're doing.*

Dan and I have seeded Twitter with fake people, who are living fake lives, and keeping us all updated about them via Twitter updates. We'd like you to play along, too.
Here's how:
1) go to Twitter and create a profile for someone who isn't you (and, ideally, that you've invented from scratch), then
2) search (the one at the bottom of the page, not the "Search for People" one) for "#twitv", and all the members of the Twitterverse should appear.
3) Start following somebody, then just start following everybody they're following, and bam! you're connected to the Twitterverse.
4) Be sure to include "#twitv" somewhere in all of your updates, that way everybody can easily track what's happening in our own little digital universe.

Basically, it's like a Role-Playing Game, except it pretends to be reality and doesn't have any weird geeky stigma attached to it (well, not yet...). Here's your chance to finally write that novel, except we're offering you a way less labor-intensive, more communal way to do it.

So come on, folks! Start conjuring, and start Twittering!

Vince out.

* We considered a third rule, which was to keep things at least nominally grounded in reality, because we didn't want a Twitter update from Bardorf the Large saying he'd just slain the Evil Hellbeast of Grishnak, or anything like that. But then we figured, what the hell? It's your universe, too, do what you will.

Almost Died

I was walking home last night after doing some Surrealing, and as I crossed a street, a car made a left in front of traffic onto the street I was crossing, and bore down on me, gaining speed, clearly not seeing the red light.

Then the driver slammed on the brakes, they squealed, spit out smoke, rear tires broke loose from the pavement and started to fishtail -- the whole nine -- and I just stood there, watching the car come for me. I maybe had time to move, but I didn't.

Most people, in that situation, their brain and their bodies tell them "Run!" or "Duck!" or "Crap!" But not me. Instead, my body told me to stand up straight, and my brain said this:

"If this is death, I want to look it in the eye. And show it my mean face."

Vince out.

ps. I was ok.

Surrealist Pop...or Regular Crappy Pop?

Today, we heard "the first single from Tinted Windows, the new supergroup featuring Taylor Hanson (of Hanson), James Iha (Smashing Pumpkins), Adam Schlesinger (Fountains of Wayne) and Bun E. Carlos (Cheap Trick)."

It's awful.

We don't know what to make of this, Dan and I, so we leave it up to you guys. Such an odd and eclectic group of musicians (sure, it's not Merzbow and Taylor Hanson, but what is?), it's almost a Surreal combination, right? I mean, if somebody told you all these people were in a band, you'd think that person was kidding, right? When they make boring, by rote pop music, though, does the entire project then become less Surreal?

Dan says yes, I say no. One thing this single proves, though, is that it only takes one Hanson in a band to make that band Hanson.

Anyway, here's the link.

Luis Awards 2010 Already Locked Up?

As you know, we announced the first ever Luis Awards last Friday, during the run-up to the Oscars. Now, most people have been complaining this whole awards season that the Oscar race was too predictable. Sure, Sean Penn got the surprise win over Mickey Rourke, but Slumdog Millionaire and Benjamin Button won everything they were expected to, Kate Winslet won her thing, which everybody expected, Heath Ledger, etc....

It's hard for me to say this, but I think, sadly, the Luis Awards have already fallen into the trap of predictability. I went to see Coraline (in 3-D! Just like our movie!) the day after the Luis Awards, and I'm sorry to say the Luis for Most Unintentionally Surreal Movie in 2010 may already be sewn up.

By this...thing...about super-intelligent guinea pig spies...which has six credited writers...three of whom have won or been nominated for Oscars:


Vince out.

Reader E-mail: "crusade ombidsman meanspirited"

Reader Liza Cheney (possibly related to the former Vice President?) sent us a letter- apparently about a head of state who is on some sort of mean-spirited campaign. This will not stand! Let's get the details...

Bronze Yohn was not there to see; he had already departed from the Eyrie to begin the long descent,He overthrew Prince Rhaegar and named me his queen of love and beauty. I am surprised you doThe sun was almost gone by the time they were done with Maester Aemon. Only a long thin line of

Cool. Thanks for sharing!

Dan

LUIS AWARDS: Most Surreal Film

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and Gentlemen, Dan and Vince!

VINCE: Dan, colon, well it's been a long day huh, Vince, question mark. Vince, colon, Yeah, I'm sure glad it's almost over, period. Dan, colon, only one award left, dramatic pause, Most Surreal Film.

[PRE-RECORDED VIDEO OF DAN AND VINCE AND BRAD PITT STARTS]'

DAN: Lot of surreal movies this year.

VINCE: Yup.

DAN: Brad?

BRAD: Yeah, I've heard about one in particular.

[LAUGHTER]

VINCE: Synecdoche, New York?

[LAUGHTER]

BRAD: No, Vince, actually I was thinking of my film, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.

[APPLAUSE]

VINCE: Oh...

DAN: Well, let's see who wins.

VINCE: Brad, will you do the honors.

BRAD: I'd be honored to.

[LAUGHTER]

BRAD: The Luis goes to...

[BRAD OPENS ENVELOPE]

BRAD: The Visioneers?



DAN: Yeah, unlike Synecdoche, New York and your film The Over-long Case of Benjamin Button, The Visioneers didn't get a big theatrical release this year, in fact I'm not even sure it has a distributor yet. But it is awesome and we do hope people get a chance to see it. And it's really important to promote independent film, true independent film, isn't that right, Brad?

[BRAD'S PUBLICIST STEPS IN FROM OUT OF FRAME]

PUBLICIST: We have to stop this now...

VINCE: What do you mean?

PUBLICIST: No. Off. Turn the camera off.

[PRE-RECORDED VIDEO ENDS]

VINCE: Dan, colon, well that was fun, dot, dot, dot, Vince, colon, yeah. good-bye everyone. Dan, colon, This is Dan, Vince, colon, and this is Vince, Dan, colon, and we'll see you right here next year for the, in unison, colon, Luis Awards 2010!

LUIS AWARDS: Most Surreal Performance

ANNOUNCER: Ladies and Gentleman, from the Actor's Studio, please welcome James Lipton.

[APPLAUSE]

JAMES: Who has my keys? Which one of you sons of bitches have my keys? I want my keys!

[PRE-RECORDED VIDEO OF DAN AND VINCE STARTS]

DAN: You ready?

VINCE: Go!

[VINCE BEGINS CHUGGING A GALLON OF WATER]

DAN: I've only got a minute, so I'll keep this quick. Lots of great performances this year. Catherine Deneuve in A Christmas Tale- it was good, but not surreal. Crispin Glover was in a Herschell Gordon Lewis remake... I mean, c'mon...

[VINCE CONTINUES CHUGGING AND SIGNALS FOR DAN TO SPEED UP]

DAN: Even we have to admit that Heath Ledger was amazing as the Joker in The Dark Knight, the kind of performance that jumps off the screen and gives you a totally new perspective on a character that-

[VINCE CAN"T CHUG ANYMORE. DROPS THE GALLON OF WATER. WATER SPRAYS EVERYWHERE. VINCE WALKS AWAY.]

DAN: Um, The Most Surreal Performance this year didn't happen in the movies. It happened in real-life, like all good art in our opinion. We're going to give the award to Samuel Wurzelbacher who played the character of "Joe the Plumber" in the 2008 Election. He's not named Joe, he's not a licensed plumber- and now he's become a political pundit, a member of the press who travels to war-zones and talks about how the press shouldn't be in war-zones. Sam, you so crazy. And while we really appreciate all the zaniness you added to our 2008, we're sort of sick of you and not sure why we had to listen to you in the first place. So take your award and go away. Please.


See you back here in two hours...

Keep Reading LUIS AWARDS: Most Surreal Film...

LUIS AWARDS: Most Unintentionally Surreal Movie

ANNOUNCER: She's a Golden Girl and he's Guerrilla, Ladies and Gentleman please welcome Betty White and Benecio del Toro.

[APPLAUSE]

BENECIO: You know Betty, no one sets out to make a bad movie-

BETTY: Well you wouldn't know it if you went to the movies this year.

[LAUGHTER]

BENECIO: What's the worst thing you saw at the theater in 2008, Betty?

BETTY: Oh, it's the same worst movie I've seen every year- Battlefield Earth. I don't know why I keep watching it...

[LAUGHTER]

BENECIO: Well all the nominees in this category were released this year...

BETTY: And even I won't be watching them again!

[LAUGHTER]

BENECIO: Ladies and Gentleman, the Most Unintentionally Surreal Movie.

[PRE-RECORDED VIDEO OF DAN AND VINCE STARTS]

DAN AND VINCE (speaking in unison): There were a lot of mediocre films this year, and there were a lot of films that weren't as good as we hoped. But there is only two movies that can truly be considered the Most Unintentionally Surreal.

VINCE: That sounds awkward.

DAN: Yeah. We'll re-write it and do it again...

DAN AND VINCE (speaking in unison): So the award this year goes to...

DISASTER MOVIE and MEET THE SPARTANS

These two films replace plot with pastiche and jokes with simple reenactments of scenes from other films. The title of Disaster Movie is completely dadaist- not to mention the fact that it begs its critics to make a joke out of it. A joke which would be funnier than anything in the movie. While Meet the Spartans breaks from the usual Friedberg / Seltzer naming convention, it does show us the brilliant formula they use to make their movies; ONE CRAPPY MOVIE + ANOTHER CRAPPY MOVIE = OUR FILM, WHICH IS REALLY CRAPPY. The more I think about it, the more I think this surrealism may not be so Unintentional after all.


See you back here in two hours...


Keep Reading LUIS AWARDS: Most Surreal Performance...

LUIS AWARDS: Pre-Show

Hey folks, I hope you can hear me over the crowd noise- we're coming to you LIVE from the red carpet outside the Luis Awards, honoring surrealism in films. It's 7AM in LA and the stars should start arriving soon- hey look isn't that @fakecelebrity?

I'm getting word that Vince and the Glam-Cam crew are talking to a certain celebrity. Who you got Vince?

Vince?

Vince?

Alright, we're having some technical problems that we'll try and resolve... it's live TV, folks... uh, in the meantime- um... in the meantime, we've got a schedule of events for today.

In 2 hours we'll be announcing Best Unintentional Surrealism (11AM/9AMp), then we've got Most Surreal Performance after that (1PM/11AMp), then finally Most Surreal Film (3PM/1PMp). Then we'll be self-congratulatory for a while.

This is Dan for Dan and Vince. Check back throughout the day, we'll see you soon.

What's that. I'm sorry folks, I'm getting word that the 'crappy awards show opening' is starting...



Keep Reading LUIS AWARDS: Most Unintentionally Surreal Movie...

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Luis Awards THIS FRIDAY!

The Luis Awards (honoring surrealism) are going to be announced this Friday. There won't be a ceremony, just a blog post- but hey, the Oscars started the EXACT SAME WAY. Or so I say...

Anyway, it's just easier to ignore the ceremony right now, but it is a little sad because that means there won't be any awesome / crazy moments like this...

Marlon Brando's win (Stupid Academy disabled embedding).

Or this...



Or this...



Michael "Soy Bomb" Portnoy, your PSUA membership paperwork is in the mail, and we're currently trying to figure out how to get ODB a posthumous membership...

Anyway, see you here on Friday!

Dan

Kids, Surrealism... Again. Stupid, Fast Internet...

So I was going to post this video Kittens (Inspired by Kittens) and relate it to our post about Capucha's Once Upon a Time... but by the time I got around to it, this damn Kittens video reached full-on screaming meme status! Seriously, just trying to find this video to post I had to go through Kittens (Inspired by Kittens) After the Dentist, Kittens (Yelled at by Christian Bale), and Kittens (Inspired by Kittens) After the Dentist- and OMG, BTW Their Dentist is Christian Bale (which, "btw" just rick-rolls you- I knew it was too good to be true...)

Stupid internet.

Anyway, since this thing is the next Tay Zonday Remix of the Numa Numa Song as Performed by a Lion Reunited with its Original Owner, Who Happens to be the Star Wars Kid and the Lions go 'Youze B R Parentz?!?' and the Kid is Really an Elephant that Paints a Picture of the Leprachaun from the News, and the Same Newscast Hired the Woman Who Fell in the Grapes and the Weather Guy Who's Scared of Bugs, but not the Boom-Goes-the-Dynamite Kid and then This Other Kid There Told Them That he Likes Turtles and Bill O'Reily was like "Do it Live!" and that All Your Base Belong to Him and the Evolution of Dance and, ugh, Boxxy.

Anyway, so here's the thing I was going to post:



Then here's what I was going to write:

Hey... look... this is weird...

I don't have the energy for this. I was beaten to the punch- by literally the entire world. I was just going to say something about how I wondered if this kid is coming up with this stuff or not... I hope so...

Stupid internet.

Next week, the internet is going to begin making memes that reference things that don't even exist yet....

Dan