Showing posts with label Joaquin Phoenix. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Joaquin Phoenix. Show all posts

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Exit Through the Gift Shop

I have to admit, I'm really friggin' bummed about EXIT THROUGH THE GIFT SHOP.

As most of you know, Dan and I work our soul-crushing day jobs (this is a requisite for artists) at the Starbucks at Wilshire and Detroit in LA, where Detroit inexplicably goes about a half-block as a two-way and then becomes a one-way street. About a block off in either direction -- 6th street to the north, Fairfax about three blocks east, and La Brea a block west, we were seriously at ground zero for all of the street art showcased in the "documentary." Buff Monster, Mister Brainwash, even Banksy (who did a piece at our local car wash), etc, all did most of their work within shouting distance of...well, us.

First of all, for anybody who has any doubts, this "documentary" is utterly bullshit (sorry, Ty Burr in the Boston Globe). There is not a frame of this film that wasn't scripted and choreographed in advance. I feel like I can say this as 1) another weird-ass artist, and 2) a guy who lives and works right at ground zero. So, look, Academy, I know you've all got hard-ons to unmask Bansky at the awards ceremony, but this movie seriously should not even count as a documentary, because it is utter fabrication. Actually, Dan and I literally punched each other in the face for about ten minutes, trying to convince each other that people are for real taking this movie seriously, especially after the ludicrously staged third act, and we finally got tired and accepted the fact that apparently to everybody but us, this documentary kinda rings true. P-shaw.

The more I think about it, the more I kinda want to throw up. That also might be from the shots I took to the head. Dan is goddamn strong...for a bearded guy who isn't Brawny. I had no idea...I kinda always thought he was a bitch. Not Brawny. That guy's damn manly. Like, 70s porn star manly. I mean...nevermind. I love Amanda Palmer and want to have sex with her red hair. Yes. I am totally oriented to women.

Sorry. Again.

But the art thing. Look, danandvince have mad street cred after the Joaquin Phoenix thing, which is all over this blog, and you can read about until you are sleepy. So we tell you this: EXITH THROUGH THE GIFT SHOP is...half-baked. First of all, Mister Brainwash's stuff came out about the same time as all this other stuff, at least in LA, and artistically, it was every bit as valuable. You can say it was garbage, and meant nothing, just like you can say Banksy's little girl watering flowers on the side of a carwash means nothing. Or you can read significance into it, in that the juxtaposed images of Obama, Palin, and McCain in Marilyn make-up make a profound statement about the media whorishness of politicians. EXIT... would have you believe that if you took those image seriously, you're a dumbass, like all the extras they hired to show up at Mr. Brainwash's "show" at the old CBS building. Untrue. First of all, nobody that didn't live in Mid-Wilshire ever saw this stuff. I don't think there even was a real Mr. Brainwash show. Maybe there was, but Dan and I work crap hours, so maybe we missed it, but I guarantee those guys in the movie are extras.

Look. We used to be hella militant about what was art and what wasn't (we are art, everything else isn't...), and felt like everybody who didn't see things our way was re-stupi-tarded. I admit, we were wrong. But the thing is, when you get paid buckets and buckets of money for painting an elephant, you start to get really smug and superior about what is art and who can make it and what-all-else-not, but the fact is, art is beauty, and if something is beautiful to someone and they want to dump the price of a nice home on it...let them. I'm sorry they think beauty is so rare they must put such a premium on it. I recommend visiting Debs park on the east side. But nobody with money wants to drive east of the 405...their loss.

I will say this -- EXIT THROUGH THE GIFT SHOP and I'M STILL HERE are the same movie. People in each case perpetuated a giant hoax in public, and in front of video cameras, to make an obscure point about art and celebrity. EXIT... was handled better because they picked an obscure venue that didn't call attention to how it was being manipulated. But everybody who's mad at one film really should be mad at the other. This statement has the Dan and Vince guarantee.

Banksy, you're cool, but you're kind of a rich prick now. Dan and I were -- and this is no BS -- at Shepard Fairey's first solo show at the 1300 Gallery in Cleveland before anybody knew about this stuff. We were on the ground floor -- invisible, but present -- and we can smell a rat. Duchamp's point a hundred years ago was that if an artist says it's art and puts it in a gallery, it is art. Elmyr de Hory said that if you put a fake in a gallery and it hangs there long enough, it becomes real. Both were more right than you. You're saying that if an artist says it's art and puts it in a gallery anyone who believes it's actually art is stupid. You're wrong, rich guys. You made it real art, whether you meant to or not. To criticize the machine is to misunderstand the machine...in this particular case.

To summarize -- EXIT THROUGH THE GIFT SHOP will win the best documentary Oscar, because every voter in town wants to act like they were hip to what was going down in their back yard, as their limos drove them down Fairfax to the Fairbanks theater on La Cienega. Whatever. How Green Was My Valley. (that's a totally inside reference, and if you get it, you will vote for a different movie - INSIDE JOB, WAITING FOR SUPERMAN, or THE TILLMAN STORY, for instance. Or a write in for YEAR AT DANGER, which was criminally overlooked)

Vince -- in a more thoughtful mood than usual -- out.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

We're Still Here, Too: Surrealists Predict Joaquin's Performance Art

I really hate to blow our own horn like this, but since nobody else has done it for us, I have to point out that we predicted that this whole "I'm Sill Here" event was fake not before the movie came out, not before Magnolia pictures acquired it for distribution, not even before it was announced that Casey Affleck was directing a documentary about Joaquin's career change, not even before Joaquin went on Letterman, but even before Joaquin sent the world the message "Bye! Good" written on his knuckles. That's right, we had the scoop on this story the very day Joaquin announced he was quitting acting -- a full two years ago.

Blam. Dan & Vince = 1, Joaqanery = 0 (that's a hybridization of "Joaquin" and "chicanery," for the uninitiated).

Here are some highlights of our extensive coverage of the Joaquano ("Joaquin" and "tornado"):

Oct. 30, 2008:
"Apparently Joaquin Phoenix has quit acting...there is something weird afoot. Why is that camera following Joaquin down the red carpet? Is this some sort of Andy Kaufman-esque prank? Maybe Phoenix is making some sort of Borat-ish Hollywood satire."

Nov. 19, 2008:
"Earlier we wrote about Joaquin Phoenix quitting acting, or more likely staging some sort of weird surrealist piece of performance art, the details of which have yet to be revealed...Anyway, this whole thing is weird to me, and I'm a weird dude. I'm also easily duped, but not by this."

Nov. 24, 2008:
"A reader...responded to our last post about Joaquin Phoenix, Surrealist? with this interesting tidbit about Joaquin showing up at a club to debut his music career- his music of choice is rap, by the way. Casey Affleck was once again on hand, videotaping the action for a documentary about Joaquin's music career. Damn it this is getting exciting!"

That's right, Dan & Vince, it is getting exciting. But not as exciting as it's about to get:

Jan. 09, 2009:
"We've been following whatever-the-hell is going on Joaquin Phoenix, our theory is some sort of movie... so we figure we'd post this picture of the weird hair he was sporting at a party (w/ Casey Affleck- that part might be important)."

Jan. 21, 2009:
"There's almost too much Joaquin news for us to keep up with. First it was revealed that P. Diddy was producing his album. Then, we found out Casey Affleck revealed he's making a 'documentary' about Joaquin's 'non-fictional' career change from acting to rapping. Then Joaquin gave the performance you see above where he groans like Master P before falling off the stage...Whatever- listen, at this point I sort of think everyone's on to the fact that this is all some sort of movie or over-zealous viral marketing for something or something..."

Oh, not everybody. Not yet. That wouldn't come until mid-September 2010, after the movie was out and Casey finally spilled the beans. But before that...

Feb. 11, 2009:
"Joaquin on Letterman Tonight. Maybe Dave will get to the bottom of some of this foolishness. Or it will become even more bizarre. Either way, it will surely be an interesting chapter in this on-going saga."

At which point we got bored of the whole thing, and after some posts chronicling David Letterman's history of utterly bizarre guest appearances, we posted this and let the whole thing drop:

Mar. 13, 2009:
"Joaquzzzz.... Hey look! Yawn. Joaquin did something...Listen, dude, I know we were real supportive of this at first, but this really better be the third act of your movie because I think we're all a little sick of it."

So now all the details are out. Casey Affleck fessed up in an all-night LA diner, admitted there were multiple takes, Joaquin shaved, showed up at a film festival in a speed boat, and is looking for acting work again, and everybody's saying "Oh, we knew it was a joax ("Joaquin" and "hoax") from the start." Ok, but where's your proof?

Here's ours.

(That's not actually Joaquin...it's the real Johnny Cash)

You can click on the "Joaquin Phoenix" tag below to see the full archive of our Joaquin-related ("Joaquinated"?...no, that would be too much) posts.

There's a lot of ire, and a lot of talk of movie jail, being directed at Affleck and Joaquin right now, and sure, we may have figured it out two years ago (take that, Entertainment Weekly), but these guys managed to make a prolonged piece of performance art in full view of the public, get it released by a legitimate distributor in movie theaters around the country, and fool numerous critics, media types, and viewers into believing it was real.

Andy Warhol never did that. I'm just saying.

Vince out.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Joaquzzzzzzzz

Hey look! Yawn. Joaquin did something...



Listen, dude, I know we were real supportive of this at first, but this really better be the third act of your movie because I think we're all a little sick of it.

Sort of like blogging, apparently.

Dan

Tuesday, March 03, 2009

That Rob Lowe Thing EXPLAINED!

Dan here, sorry about my lack of posting- I've been nursing a Post-Luis hangover- it seriously took a week. Anyway, if you read the blog a lot you've noticed we've developed a temporary obsession with Rob Lowe's Oscar Opening, even though I'm not sure why... maybe it's because Joaquin just hasn't been that entertaining the last few days... I'm not sure.

Well, anyway, Jimmy Kimmel asked Rob Lowe about this atrocious crap- and then Rob Lowe talked about it. True story.



Dan

(h/t Deadline Hollywood Daily)

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Poor Dave (and links to Bill Hicks)

As Dan posted earlier, we feel a little bad for David Letterman because he does seem to be the target of crazies and unannounced Surrealists more than anybody else who sits behind a microphone and in front of a camera...but Dave handles them so well, we want to invite Dave to keep booking the weirdos and letting the chips fall where they may. In one sense, his agreeing to book these people (and sometimes over and over again) makes Dave the ballsiest talk show host out there...and yes, I know about Conan's Super Bowl ad. My vote still goes to Dave.

And also, we just like Dave. At no one's prompting but his own, last week he resurrected a Bill Hicks routine that he'd killed in 1993 and had never aired. Mad props to Dave.







Vince out.

Letterman's History of Surreal Interviews



So we know this is all a prank at this point and that sort of ruins the fun- for me at least. Also, it makes me wonder why is it that when someone decides they want to go crazy during an appearance on a talk-show, they do it on Letterman?

I feel bad for Dave, but I also think it's cool that we now have this treasure trove of surreal talk-show appearances.

I know what's going on with Joaquin (he's not on drugs, he's not nervous- he's 'acting') so let's not spend any more time on it. Instead, let's discuss these...

Andy Kaufman
He did a lot. I won't post them all- but here's a famous one.



Harvey Pekar
Ummm...



Crispin Glover
Like Joaquin Crispin is in character- though not the character from the film he's promoting (The River's Edge) but a character from the yet-to-be-made Rubin and Ed.



Harmony Korine
He's probably screwing with Dave. He might also be an awkward guy. He's probably got a weird sense of humor. Add those together and you get this.



And the sequel...



Side note: Harmony Korine cast Werner Herzog in his Julien Donkey-Boy and Mister Lonely and Crispin worked with Herzog on Incident at Loch Ness and both gave a commentary track on Herzog's Fata Morgana. Werner Herzog has yet to appear on Letterman (though he was on Conan...)

Anyway, moving on to some less-intentional surrealism...

Madonna
Watch Madonna try not to be boring- this shtick was old at the time. Who cares?



Farrah Fawcett
Unlike Joaquin, Crispin, and Harmony, Farrah quickly came out to admit she was nervous- but... I don't know...







Dan

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Joaquin on Letterman Tonight...

Maybe Dave will get to the bottom of some of this foolishness.

Or it will become even more bizarre.

Either way, it will surely be an interesting chapter in this on-going saga.

Dan

Friday, February 06, 2009

Joaquin Not Joakin'

I'm not going to bother to say anything... Joaquin, I'll let you handle this:
"There's not a hoax," Phoenix tells the Associated Press of doubts about his sudden conversion from movie star to hip-hop artist. "Might I be ridiculous? Might my career in music be laughable? Yeah, that's possible, but that's certainly not my intention."
People Magazine has more.

Also, I think I totally subconsciously stole this headline from Film Drunk. Sorry everyone.

Dan

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Who Called it? WE DID!

Further proof that we are always several steps ahead of everyone else and always will be...

Entertainment Weekly is now reporting that Joaquin Phoenix's career change is all part of some "Andy Kaufman-style hoax".

Hmmm. I wonder where I heard that before? Oh yeah- right here on this very blog!

Dan

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Joaquin, Joaquin, Joaquin...



There's almost too mcuh Joaquin news for us to keep up with.

First it was revealed that P. Diddy was producing his album.

Then, we found out Casey Affleck revealed he's making a 'documentary' about Joaquin's 'non-fictional' career change from acting to rapping.

Then Joaquin gave the performance you see above where he groans like Master P before falling off the stage.

First off, P. Diddy? Does he even produce music anymore? Why would you get him to produce your album? We're not into hip-hop but even we know he is soooo 10 years ago- and why would P. Diddy get involved- because this is all fake for some sort of movie and he's a fame-whore who likes being filmed.

Whatever- listen, at this point I sort of think everyone's on to the fact that this is all some sort of movie or over-zealous viral marketing for something or something...

Anyway, we think it's fun to watch, we'll post more here soon.

Dan

Friday, January 09, 2009

Joaquin's Hair



We've been following whatever-the-hell is going on Joaquin Phoenix, our theory is some sort of movie... so we figure we'd post this picture of the weird hair he was sporting at a party (w/ Casey Affleck- that part might be important).

Um, that's all we've got though...

Read more at Just Jared.

Dan

Monday, November 24, 2008

Joaquin: Chapter 3



A reader named Anonymous (which I must admit is a pretty surreal user-name, he's making a self-aware statement about the anonymity of the internet and the- oh wait, it's just someone who commented anonymously. Nevermind.) responded to our last post about Joaquin Phoenix, Surrealist? with this interesting tidbit about Joaquin showing up at a club to debut his music career- his music of choice is rap, by the way.

Casey Affleck was once again on hand, videotaping the action for a documentary about Joaquin's music career.

Damn it this is getting exciting!

Dan

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Joaquin, Surrealist (Continued)


Earlier we wrote about Joaquin Phoenix quitting acting, or more likely staging some sort of weird surrealist piece of performance art, the details of which have yet to be revealed...

But then he showed up at a film festival in Los Angeles with the above message written across his fingers.

"Bye! Good"

Hmmm. Well, what does that mean? I've got a few theories:

1. Joaquin thinks that there is nothing wrong with a good enthusiastic good-bye
2. Joaquin is trying to help out the economy by telling us to simply "Buy Goods." Of course, his spelling is all off and the extraneous punctuation makes this a little unbelievable (but only a little...)
3. Joaquin meant to say "Good-bye!" but he's holding his hands out the wrong way- or he wrote on them while looking in the mirror, and if there's one thing that the 2008 election taught us it's that you shouldn't write on yourself while looking in the mirror.
Anyway, this whole thing is weird to me, and I'm a weird dude, I'm also easily duped, but not by this.

We'll keep you posted.

Dan

Thursday, October 30, 2008

POSSILBE SURREALISM IN PROGRESS - Joaquin Phoenix 'Quits' Acting



This has been big news the past few days (as the mainstream media filled time waiting for our Presidential endorsement), apparently Joaquin Phoenix has quit acting.

I'm not really a big fan of any of the movies he's been in, but the dude can act and actually seems to take the craft pretty seriously, which we respect. So, it would sort of bum us out if he stopped- mainly because his future roles would probably be given to those creepy d-bags from The Hills*.

But watch the above video... there is something weird afoot. Why is that camera following Joaquin down the red carpet? He alludes that Casey Affleck is to take over the throne of Method Actor-dom. I mean Casey Affleck is a good actor- but seriously?

This is all so weird.

Is this some sort of Andy Kaufman-esque prank? Maybe Phoenix is making some sort of Borat-ish Hollywood satire? I don't know, but he sort of seems a little too serious for something like that. But then again, maybe I only think that because he's such a good actor. Or maybe he is a closeted surrealist and he takes his surrealing seriously. If that's it Joaquin, let the PSUA know so you become eligible for our benefits (which you'll no longer get from SAG...).

Dan

* Not to be confused with The Hillz- which is technically very surreal.