Bush vs. Clinton Story Hour

Despite our extensive coverage of the 2008 Presidential Election, Dan and I are not overtly political people. We're more about subversion, really, so "participating" in the "process" isn't really our thing.

We do, however, occasionally find Surrealistic tidbits in the political world, and one of the most enduring of recent times is the bizarre friendship between George H.W. Bush and Bill Clinton, which we find completely incomprehensible. However, this friendship has undeniably born much fruit...fruit like this video clip.

Congress Keeps it Surreal...

With all our coverage of the 2008 election, our main concern was getting some surrealists in office. Turns out they're already there. Here's a video posted to YouTube by Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi:



The whole video is weird- and then the Rick-rolling. Weird. And the little pop-up which tell you to google Rick-rolling...?

By the way, Rick-rolling is what people describe as a meme. I hate that term and I hate "memes". Passionately. Seriously, if anyone ever describes us or this blog as a "meme" I will shoot myself in the Goddamn face. I swear.

Dan

Thanks but No Thanks...

Chicagoan Penny Pritzker has withdrawn her name from consideration for the position of Commerce Secretary in President Obama's cabinet.

We'd like to take this opportunity, in this open forum, to inform President Elect Obama's people that we also do not want to serve as Commerce Secretary.

It's not political, and we appreciate the (surely forthcoming) offer but we've simply got too much surrealing to do.

Everyone serves our country in their own way. We do it by surrealing.

Dan

Joaquin, Surrealist (Continued)

Earlier we wrote about Joaquin Phoenix quitting acting, or more likely staging some sort of weird surrealist piece of performance art, the details of which have yet to be revealed...

But then he showed up at a film festival in Los Angeles with the above message written across his fingers.

"Bye! Good"

Hmmm. Well, what does that mean? I've got a few theories:

1. Joaquin thinks that there is nothing wrong with a good enthusiastic good-bye
2. Joaquin is trying to help out the economy by telling us to simply "Buy Goods." Of course, his spelling is all off and the extraneous punctuation makes this a little unbelievable (but only a little...)
3. Joaquin meant to say "Good-bye!" but he's holding his hands out the wrong way- or he wrote on them while looking in the mirror, and if there's one thing that the 2008 election taught us it's that you shouldn't write on yourself while looking in the mirror.

Anyway, this whole thing is weird to me, and I'm a weird dude, I'm also easily duped, but not by this.

We'll keep you posted.

Dan

Vote Today!

Vote Today- and vote twice.

First, you've got our much-anticipated Presidential Endorsement, so do that...

Then, do what you (apparently) didn't do last time we asked you to and vote in GQ's 25 Sexiest Women Poll. Ms. Catherine Surrealism Deneuve (it's her middle name- blah!) is sitting at 1% which is a travesty. Equally travese (traveste?) to our film geek hearts is that Ms. Anna Godard Karina (Godard is her middle name- wait- no...) is sitting at 0%. ZERO PERCENT! Have none of you bastards ever seen Alphaville?



You guys better do something about this or we are no longer on speaking terms...

Dan

A Little Late...

We just found this in our inbox today...

Too bad, we didn't get this a week ago. It might have influenced us if you know what I mean... but we didn't get it a week ago. We got it today. After we endorsed Brian Moore for Preident.

Nice try guys, and we were really pushing for you too. This really would have helped. Oh well... Thanks anyway...

Dan

Finally, Our Presidential Endorsement

Many of you have been holding your collective breath to see who (whom?) the Practicing Surrealists Union of America (PSUA) will endorse for President. You can exhale. And then you'll need to take another deep breath, becasue we're about to lay on you more history than you can possibly handle. Boom.

First, immediately before Surrealism's inception in the early 1920s, Eugene V. Debs was the Socialist Party's perennial nominee for President of the United States (1900-1920). He never made much of a showing at the polls, but when the Great Depression hit, Debs was dead and gone, FDR was in office, and a lot of the things Debs had consistently run on found their way into the New Deal.

Next, it stands to reason that as the lights dim and we settle into our seats for The Great Depression, Part II, whoever (whomever?) is the Socialist Party candidate will actually dictate our nation's future policy, no matter who's actually elected.

Next, Kurt Vonnegut, who has unassailable Surrealist street cred (he wrote himself into the novel Breakfast of Champions as the author of the book, sitting at a table in a hotel lounge with a curiously proportioned penis -- go check it out for yourself if you don't believe us), was fond of quoting this line of Debs': "While there is a lower class, I am in it; while there is a criminal element, I am of it; while there is a soul in prison, I am not free."

Next, the Socialist Party candidate for President of the United States in 2008 is on the ballot in only eight states, and California, where the PSUA is based, isn't one of them.

Therefore, we, Dan and Vince, Surrealists, of the PSUA, officially endorse Brian Moore, of the Socialist Party of the United States of America, as our candidate for President.

Because really, we know Sarah Palin's really made a run for our vote, but at the end of the day, what's more Surreal than endorsing a guy you can't even vote for?

Vince out.

The Press Follow Our Lead... (Again...)

We've been talking about the surrealist tendencies of the McCain/Palin campaign for a while now- and it looks like the media has finally picked up on it...



Rachael Maddow makes some good points (in terms of this being dada)- but, let's be honest if you're going to vote based solely on who's more dada, you've got to go with Mike Gravel...

Dan the Surrealist

Palin for the Win?

The election is less than a month away and we still haven't endorsed a presidential candidate... however, it's not for lack of trying.

We've acknowledged an interest in Alaska Governor/Republican Vice Presidential Nominee/Poet Sarah Palin, and I have to say that since then, she's only gotten better and better.

First there was the Vice Presidential debate, where she answered questions as only a surrealist could- by not answering them!

And then, there was this web ad that her campaign ran the next day...

"She killed. It was her evening. She was the star."
- Famous Person 10/2/08

My God! It's brilliant. Is it a post-modern comment on America's obsession with celebrity for celebrity's sake instead of celebrity earned through talent and hard work? Or is it a self-aware, self-deprecating jab at the lack of Hollywood support for the GOP? Perhaps a subtle attack of Barack Obama and his unending supply of movie star supporters? Whatever it is, do we love it? You betcha!

Keep up the good work Sarah!

Dan

(h/t: Wonkette)

Pamela Anderson for President?

Yeah, I know it doesn't really make any sense, but follow me on this...

A few days after we lamented at the lack of surrealism in the current Presidential race, Ralph Nader made a public plea for the surrealist vote. We were not impressed. But then on the other side of the pond, at a fashion show in England, actress/playmate Pamela Anderson ever so subtly threw her hat into the race, not with actions or speeches or any of those 'presidential' things- She- well- just take a look for yourself...

Um... Is that a robot? Do we have robots yet? Is it an alien? A ghost? Whatever it is it's damn weird- More interesting than anything David Blaine has done in the last few years- I'd even say it's surreal.

So, Pam Anderson did something surreal. Why does this mean she should receive PSUA's endorsement for the highest office in the country? Well think about it, Barb Wire is, in its own way, a surrealist film, so she's been in the surrealing game for a while. Plus she's got more experience than Sarah Palin- though admittedly not the kind of experience people look for in their future leaders... sexy experience...

In conclusion, we're not ready to endorse anyone yet- but this is an interesting turn of events...

Dan

Sarah Palin's Stream of Consciousness

A lot of people know Republican Vice Presidential Nominee Sarah Palin as a staunch conservative, a hockey mom, or perhaps the woman who said "thanks but no thanks (but actually, thanks)" to the brilliant bridge to nowhere. But did you know she is also an amazing stream of consciousness poet?

Here's one of her most recent works, I think it's Untitled, or it's called Bailout:

That's why I say, I, like every American I'm speaking with were ill about this position that we have been put in where it is the taxpayers looking to bailout. But ultimately what the bailout does is help those who are concerned about the healthcare reform that is needed to help shore up our economy. Helping the "o". It's got to be all about job creation too, shoring up our economy and putting it back on the right track. So healthcare reform, and reducing taxes, and reighning in spending has got to accompany tax reduction and tax relief for Americans and trade, we've got to see trade as opportunity, not as competitive, scary thing, but 1 in 5 jobs being created in the trade sector today. We've got to look at that as more opportunity. All those things under the umbrella of job creation.

It's got to be the best piece of stream of consciousness poetry I've read since this or maybe this...

And it makes her a serious contender for the White House in our eyes...

Dan

Nice Try Nader!

We've never stated this before, but Vince and I hate Ralph Nader. He ruined everything! We curse his name everyday while trying to drive behind the confines of our now-state-required seatbelts. Damn you Nader!

Anyway, he apparently read our post about looking for the surreal candidate in the 2008 election and is now pandering to the surrealist vote...



Nice try Nader, but no dice!

However if you make a sequel to this video (where you dress up like a panda, go to the zoo, impregnate an actual panda, and then wait as it gives birth to some panda/social activist hybrid) then we'll talk.

(h/t: Wonkette)

Dan

Surrealism in '08!

We've written a fair amount about the forthcoming election, but PSUA has yet to formally endorse any particular candidate- not that we haven't been thinking about it... Mainly we've been paying attention to campaign ads, of course they don't really count as surreal- more like not real, or at least not true, yet without any sort of artistic intent, except for one candidate, and let me tell you he was an early forerunner for our endorsement.

Ladies and gentlemen, we present the dadaist short films of Mike Gravel:





Sigh. We miss him. Is a union allowed to endorse a write-in candidate?

Anyway, the political ad landscape returned to it's boring old self after Gravel dropped out- until it got a big old technicolor stab to the eyeball with the release of this Boy George video endorsing Obama. Featuring the animated visages of Boy George, Barack Obama, David Bowie, Divine, and Amy Winehouse, it's no surprise that it's not officially endorsed by the Obama camp. But it is crazy. So here it is.



However, Obama didn't have anything to do with it, so he doesn't get the credit and we're still without a candidate. But what of all the third party candidates? True, they must be living in some sort of subconscious dream-world if they think they stand any chance in this election, but we can't in good conscience tell you to throw your vote away.

It was looking pretty bleak. Until the emergence of Sarah Palin. While she modestly calls herself a "hockey mom," she is actually one of the architects (not literally) of one of the greatest pieces of surrealist art of the last 50 years. The bridge to nowhere.

Of course, she now denies she had anything to do with it, which is disappointing, but she doesn't actually apologize for it, she just flat out denies she had anything to do with it. Which kind of seems like the sort of thing Andre Breton could get behind. Like if Salvador Dali started insisting that not only did he not paint his paintings he did everything within his power to prevent them from being painted.

Hmph.

Well we're just going to have to keep thinking about this.

Dan

Confirmed! John McCain, Don Rickles Actually Same Person

You heard it here first, folks. DNA evidence confirms it.

So when "John McCain" announces his running mate will be George Carlin, don't say we didn't warn you.

And a note to everybody at the FCC: with Vice President Carlin to look forward to, just start packing up your offices now.

Let Hollywood Be your Super Tuesday Guide!

As all of America knows, this could be the most important election of many of our lifetimes, and if the Democratic candidate gets elected this November, that person is guaranteed to make history by being either the first female or first African American president. A lot of people don’t know what to expect, should one of them reach the White House, so we thought we’d put together a handy-dandy guide to the future, as predicted by Hollywood films and TV shows that feature either an African American or female president. We hope this helps the democratic process this February 5th.

First, Barack Obama:
After the first African American president is elected, we can expect him to crack wise a lot (Head of State) while helping to foil several terrorist plots in only a few days (24), making our world and country a safer place. However, a large meteor will fall from space to destroy us (Deep Impact, The 5th Element), ushering in The Apocalypse. In the post-Apocalyptic wasteland that follows, greedy corporations will kill all the crops by watering them with sport drinks until a defrosted Army private from the past becomes an advisor to the President and the world is saved (Idiocracy).

Now, Hillary Clinton:
Initially, labor unrest will create a long period of silence where we have no idea what’s happening or what’s going to happen next (current season of 24). After that, faced with being the first First Gentleman, the guy who played The Absent-Minded Professor – in this case Robin Williams – will take control of the former First Lady’s social and gardening clubs (Kisses for my President). However, within the year, everyone will stop watching and the entire country will be cancelled (Commander in Chief).

Personally, we’re for Barack Obama. We think that reality show from Idiocracy, OWW! MY BALLS!! is a lot better than American Gladiators, My Dad is Better Than Your Dad, Moment of Truth, and even the Stuart Little movies.

And come on, we all saw what happened the last time we elected a white guy...

Vince out.