The Best Movie Ever / The Worst Movie Ever

The weekend it came out The Dark Knight flew (get it? oh wait... nevermind...) to #1 on the IMDB's Top 250, obliterating The Godfather and forcing it down to the dreaded #2 spot, where it will remain until the hype dies down and people come to their senses and realize that Christian Bale's Batman voice was just damn goofy.

Anyway, this weekend saw the release of the newest opus from auteurs* Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer, Disaster Movie. And just like The Dark Knight it flew (sank) to the top (bottom) of it's own list, the IMDB's Bottom 100.

Now first off you have to consider that this means people who saw this trailer, thought "that looks sooooooooooooo funnee" (let's assume they think in typos), and then left their house and paid to see it- were disappointed!

Now while I'm sure Sam Mraovich** is relieved about this, it brings up a disturbing trend.

That's right, I'm talking about hyperbolic reactions. This is the best/worst _____ ever, for now...

Seriously hyperbolic reactions are the worst and greatest problem we as a nation have ever faced and now that they have started affecting our lists, we can no longer stand idly by!

So, here's what you do. Go to the the IMDB, give The Dark Knight the 7 or 8 it actually deserves, then go over to Disaster Movie and give it a 1.

That's right. Hyperbolic reactions aside I really do think that it is possible that Disaster Movie is the worst film ever made, so let's keep it at #1 FOREVER and not just until Paris Hilton releases another movie. It sounds crazy, I know, but we can do it. Us, You, and Sam Mraovich.

Let's make history people.

Thank to Cinematical.

Dan

* Just to clarify, that's sarcasm, these talentless hack motherfuckers are absolute proof that Hollywood sees its audience as little more than a gullible wallet that will pay for any garbage they throw at you as long as they call it comedy. And while they deserve your hatred, it is the system that allows them to exist and (holy shit!) make a living making movies that is the real enemy.

** Who I bet has a Google alert set-up for his own name. Hi Sam!

The Paparazzi Go Arthouse

It's been stated again and again that our current celebrity culture of paparazzis, gossip blogs, and most importantly people who are famous simply because they are famous, is essentially the world that Andy Warhol predicted. And it's true.

For example, one of the top stories on TMZ today is a video of Regis Philbin in a parking lot. (Watch it here)

Okay, did you seriously just click on that link? Did you consider it? Because I don't know if you were reading the previous sentence, but it's video of Regis Philbin in a parking garage- he's walking to his car, he says he just saw a good show... that's it! That's all it is!

If I were to have experienced this event first-hand, like I was actually in the parking garage and I saw Regis and he said "I just saw a good show" and then I told you about it, what would your reaction be? My guess is you would say "Um, alright, that's nice- I guess, you want to get something to eat?" I don't think you would say "No way! I do not believe you! That is unbelievable, I am going to have to see some video of that shit!"

Or maybe you would, I don't know... anyway, it's there if you want it.

So what's the difference between these streaming video of Regis Philbin in a parking garage or Paris Hilton renting a video and Warhol's films of Edie Sedgwick sitting on a bed or Nico combing her hair?

Well, Nico and Edie are much more interesting than Regis and Paris and you have to sit through ads (seriously) to watch the untitled "Regis in Parking Lot" film at TMZ, but the main difference is that these new TMZ films have no style while Warhol's films had this great, locked-down, dadaist anti-aesthetic.




I guess you could make the argument that TMZ's "films" have a sort of hand-held cinema verite style, but would you seriously want to make that effort?

Paparazzi videos are not art. Or they weren't- until today... Check out a still from this video of Amy Winehouse doing drugs...



Look at those colors! You can watch the whole video here.

Now of course, this is from the UK... so I say to all of the American paparazzi, all of you who went out to Hollywood with a PD-150 thinking you were going to be the next Robert Rodriguez, but realized that instead you get an easier paycheck if you chase Britney Spears with a camera and scream questions at her until she finally comments on Estelle Getty's death, to you, I say:

1. This is it for you, the only job you'll ever have. No one is ever going to produce your screenplay about the witty hitman who likes to quote Tsui Hark films. What's that you say? Your script includes notes about which obscure songs should be included on the soundtrack? And you can also shoot, direct, and edit it yourself? And everyone wears suits? Well then maybe I'm wrong, but let's assume I'm not...

2. So while you're stuck in your gutter, at least try to make some art every once in a while. Harvey Levin may not care what your video looks like, but Andy does... and he's looking down on you from artist heaven (the low-rent part of heaven, which will be filled with over-priced condos in about 10 years...) hoping you don't let him down...

The bar has been raised.

Dan

On Second Thought... You Don't Know What You Want!

So, as Vince and I prepared our huge new piece of Britney inspired art (as per your request), we decided to take a break and check the old e-mail. Lo and behold it appears that the fickle public have moved on to a new obsession.

Damn it! We never should have listened to you! How can we give you what you want when you don't even know what you want and if you do know, you probably don't want it for more than a couple of minutes!

Here are the current contents of our inbox (the newest messages are on top):


I don't mean to seem angry, and I love your letters, I really, really do, but it just seems like maybe you folks need to do a little bit of work internally before you start making requests of America's hardest working surrealists.

Thanks, we'll talk soon.

Dan

Unintentional Surrealism on TV

Unintentional Surrealism on TV, brought to our attention thanks to the pop culture archivists at The Soup.

Giving the People What They Want...

Being surrealists- we don't care what you want.

No offense.

See, we get letters from you, our dear readers, all the time. And while we listen to what you have to say, we simply can't allow your suggestions to affect our creative output... I mean what would Andrew Breton think if we did that? Andrew Breton of Columbus, OH, who requested that we "post a funny picture of his cat"- No dice, Andrew.

Now don't get me wrong, some of you have made some really great suggestions, we simply can not allow our selves to be influenced by your requests.

However, sometimes when we step back and look at all of the feedback we receive we can see a larger picture, one which reflects shifts in social trends and attitudes. Then it's no longer a matter of pandering to the desires of a few, but tweaking our artistic output to something more suited to the interests of our ever-changing world.

Such was the case today and the five messages sitting in our inbox:


Well, let me assure you that we've heard you... and we're working on it.

Dan

Reader E-mail: "leaf rilly commissary customhouse delaware‏"

Todays reader e-mail comes from Gary Clark. He's got some questions, fortunately, he also has some answers.

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Thanks Gary!

Music Video: Mother for Whopper

We've been asked to do music videos before, but have always passed, since there's never been anything astoundingly Surreal about the projects. But when a metal band that never put out a record and broke up almost ten years ago wanted us to make a video for a punk song they recorded...well, we just couldn't say no.