The Paparazzi Go Arthouse

It's been stated again and again that our current celebrity culture of paparazzis, gossip blogs, and most importantly people who are famous simply because they are famous, is essentially the world that Andy Warhol predicted. And it's true.

For example, one of the top stories on TMZ today is a video of Regis Philbin in a parking lot. (Watch it here)

Okay, did you seriously just click on that link? Did you consider it? Because I don't know if you were reading the previous sentence, but it's video of Regis Philbin in a parking garage- he's walking to his car, he says he just saw a good show... that's it! That's all it is!

If I were to have experienced this event first-hand, like I was actually in the parking garage and I saw Regis and he said "I just saw a good show" and then I told you about it, what would your reaction be? My guess is you would say "Um, alright, that's nice- I guess, you want to get something to eat?" I don't think you would say "No way! I do not believe you! That is unbelievable, I am going to have to see some video of that shit!"

Or maybe you would, I don't know... anyway, it's there if you want it.

So what's the difference between these streaming video of Regis Philbin in a parking garage or Paris Hilton renting a video and Warhol's films of Edie Sedgwick sitting on a bed or Nico combing her hair?

Well, Nico and Edie are much more interesting than Regis and Paris and you have to sit through ads (seriously) to watch the untitled "Regis in Parking Lot" film at TMZ, but the main difference is that these new TMZ films have no style while Warhol's films had this great, locked-down, dadaist anti-aesthetic.




I guess you could make the argument that TMZ's "films" have a sort of hand-held cinema verite style, but would you seriously want to make that effort?

Paparazzi videos are not art. Or they weren't- until today... Check out a still from this video of Amy Winehouse doing drugs...



Look at those colors! You can watch the whole video here.

Now of course, this is from the UK... so I say to all of the American paparazzi, all of you who went out to Hollywood with a PD-150 thinking you were going to be the next Robert Rodriguez, but realized that instead you get an easier paycheck if you chase Britney Spears with a camera and scream questions at her until she finally comments on Estelle Getty's death, to you, I say:

1. This is it for you, the only job you'll ever have. No one is ever going to produce your screenplay about the witty hitman who likes to quote Tsui Hark films. What's that you say? Your script includes notes about which obscure songs should be included on the soundtrack? And you can also shoot, direct, and edit it yourself? And everyone wears suits? Well then maybe I'm wrong, but let's assume I'm not...

2. So while you're stuck in your gutter, at least try to make some art every once in a while. Harvey Levin may not care what your video looks like, but Andy does... and he's looking down on you from artist heaven (the low-rent part of heaven, which will be filled with over-priced condos in about 10 years...) hoping you don't let him down...

The bar has been raised.

Dan

New Show Idea: Rejected by Fox!!

As many of you know, Dan and I occasionally get to pitch movie ideas to Hollywood studios. Sometimes they write us big checks because there is a small faction of entertainment insiders who recognize that with the complex juxtaposition of images, music, and content afforded to today's viewers thanks to the Interwebs, the average content consumer has a greater, more fundamental appreciation for Surrealism than at any time in human history. Our country, for instance, managed to not self-destruct when that kid with the hair on American Idol made it to the finals or whatever. The only possible explanation is that Surrealism has taken root in the mainstream. Therefore, while you haven't seen this movie yet, or this one, rest assured we'll be on somebody's screen somewhere sooner or later. And we're not talking just on YouTube, either.

We thought, this morning, that our first big mainstream conquest would come by way of a TV show, which we pitched over lunch to executives at Fox, called WHEN SURREALISM GOES WRONG!

Here's the idea: We wanted Fox to go back to their roots -- before they were the Reality TV Network, they were the Lamentable Clip Show Network, which aired such bastions of good-ole'-fashioned entertainment as "When Animals Attack," "World's Most Shocking Moments: Caught on Tape," "World's Funniest Party Disasters," and of course "Real Stories of the Highway Patrol." So we're bringing that back, but with a Surreal twist. The twist is, it's Surrealism going wrong, so NOTHING SURREAL ACTUALLY HAPPENS, and then, at the end of each episode, Dan and I run out and go "Dammit! We screwed up again! Crap!"

One episode we pitched, for instance, was thirty minutes of a locked down shot of pedestrians in New York City, and occasionally, a voice would come on and say things like "Ok, now watch the woman in the green blouse...Wait...wait...oh, and...gah. No!" And the woman would walk offscreen without doing anything of note. Another was documentary footage of clowns getting dressed for the circus, and, again, the voice would come on saying something like "Now, this is the part where the gorilla comes in wearing a suit of armor and tells everybody to get the hell out...(nothing happens)...or, wait. Maybe that was on a different tape."

When we told them that the season finale would be an extended episode offering ninety minutes of dead air, they politely told us they weren't interested. And, by "politely told us they weren't interested," I mean they surmised we weren't really janitors, asked us where we got those uniforms, and had us chased from the premises by some of those zombie dogs from I AM LEGEND, which are apparently on loan from Warner Bros. and remembered our scent.

It's too bad. It would've been compelling TV.

Vince out.