I was walking home last night after doing some Surrealing, and as I crossed a street, a car made a left in front of traffic onto the street I was crossing, and bore down on me, gaining speed, clearly not seeing the red light.
Then the driver slammed on the brakes, they squealed, spit out smoke, rear tires broke loose from the pavement and started to fishtail -- the whole nine -- and I just stood there, watching the car come for me. I maybe had time to move, but I didn't.
Most people, in that situation, their brain and their bodies tell them "Run!" or "Duck!" or "Crap!" But not me. Instead, my body told me to stand up straight, and my brain said this:
"If this is death, I want to look it in the eye. And show it my mean face."
Vince out.
ps. I was ok.
Friday, February 27, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Surrealist Pop...or Regular Crappy Pop?
Today, we heard "the first single from Tinted Windows, the new supergroup featuring Taylor Hanson (of Hanson), James Iha (Smashing Pumpkins), Adam Schlesinger (Fountains of Wayne) and Bun E. Carlos (Cheap Trick)."
It's awful.
We don't know what to make of this, Dan and I, so we leave it up to you guys. Such an odd and eclectic group of musicians (sure, it's not Merzbow and Taylor Hanson, but what is?), it's almost a Surreal combination, right? I mean, if somebody told you all these people were in a band, you'd think that person was kidding, right? When they make boring, by rote pop music, though, does the entire project then become less Surreal?
Dan says yes, I say no. One thing this single proves, though, is that it only takes one Hanson in a band to make that band Hanson.
Anyway, here's the link.
It's awful.
We don't know what to make of this, Dan and I, so we leave it up to you guys. Such an odd and eclectic group of musicians (sure, it's not Merzbow and Taylor Hanson, but what is?), it's almost a Surreal combination, right? I mean, if somebody told you all these people were in a band, you'd think that person was kidding, right? When they make boring, by rote pop music, though, does the entire project then become less Surreal?
Dan says yes, I say no. One thing this single proves, though, is that it only takes one Hanson in a band to make that band Hanson.
Anyway, here's the link.
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Luis Awards 2010 Already Locked Up?
As you know, we announced the first ever Luis Awards last Friday, during the run-up to the Oscars. Now, most people have been complaining this whole awards season that the Oscar race was too predictable. Sure, Sean Penn got the surprise win over Mickey Rourke, but Slumdog Millionaire and Benjamin Button won everything they were expected to, Kate Winslet won her thing, which everybody expected, Heath Ledger, etc....
It's hard for me to say this, but I think, sadly, the Luis Awards have already fallen into the trap of predictability. I went to see Coraline (in 3-D! Just like our movie!) the day after the Luis Awards, and I'm sorry to say the Luis for Most Unintentionally Surreal Movie in 2010 may already be sewn up.
By this...thing...about super-intelligent guinea pig spies...which has six credited writers...three of whom have won or been nominated for Oscars:
Vince out.
It's hard for me to say this, but I think, sadly, the Luis Awards have already fallen into the trap of predictability. I went to see Coraline (in 3-D! Just like our movie!) the day after the Luis Awards, and I'm sorry to say the Luis for Most Unintentionally Surreal Movie in 2010 may already be sewn up.
By this...thing...about super-intelligent guinea pig spies...which has six credited writers...three of whom have won or been nominated for Oscars:
Vince out.
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Reader E-mail: "crusade ombidsman meanspirited"
Reader Liza Cheney (possibly related to the former Vice President?) sent us a letter- apparently about a head of state who is on some sort of mean-spirited campaign. This will not stand! Let's get the details...
Cool. Thanks for sharing!
Dan
Bronze Yohn was not there to see; he had already departed from the Eyrie to begin the long descent,He overthrew Prince Rhaegar and named me his queen of love and beauty. I am surprised you doThe sun was almost gone by the time they were done with Maester Aemon. Only a long thin line of
Cool. Thanks for sharing!
Dan
Friday, February 20, 2009
LUIS AWARDS: Most Surreal Film
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and Gentlemen, Dan and Vince!
VINCE: Dan, colon, well it's been a long day huh, Vince, question mark. Vince, colon, Yeah, I'm sure glad it's almost over, period. Dan, colon, only one award left, dramatic pause, Most Surreal Film.
[PRE-RECORDED VIDEO OF DAN AND VINCE AND BRAD PITT STARTS]'
DAN: Lot of surreal movies this year.
VINCE: Yup.
DAN: Brad?
BRAD: Yeah, I've heard about one in particular.
[LAUGHTER]
VINCE: Synecdoche, New York?
[LAUGHTER]
BRAD: No, Vince, actually I was thinking of my film, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.
[APPLAUSE]
VINCE: Oh...
DAN: Well, let's see who wins.
VINCE: Brad, will you do the honors.
BRAD: I'd be honored to.
[LAUGHTER]
BRAD: The Luis goes to...
[BRAD OPENS ENVELOPE]
BRAD: The Visioneers?
DAN: Yeah, unlike Synecdoche, New York and your film The Over-long Case of Benjamin Button, The Visioneers didn't get a big theatrical release this year, in fact I'm not even sure it has a distributor yet. But it is awesome and we do hope people get a chance to see it. And it's really important to promote independent film, true independent film, isn't that right, Brad?
[BRAD'S PUBLICIST STEPS IN FROM OUT OF FRAME]
PUBLICIST: We have to stop this now...
VINCE: What do you mean?
PUBLICIST: No. Off. Turn the camera off.
[PRE-RECORDED VIDEO ENDS]
VINCE: Dan, colon, well that was fun, dot, dot, dot, Vince, colon, yeah. good-bye everyone. Dan, colon, This is Dan, Vince, colon, and this is Vince, Dan, colon, and we'll see you right here next year for the, in unison, colon, Luis Awards 2010!
VINCE: Dan, colon, well it's been a long day huh, Vince, question mark. Vince, colon, Yeah, I'm sure glad it's almost over, period. Dan, colon, only one award left, dramatic pause, Most Surreal Film.
[PRE-RECORDED VIDEO OF DAN AND VINCE AND BRAD PITT STARTS]'
DAN: Lot of surreal movies this year.
VINCE: Yup.
DAN: Brad?
BRAD: Yeah, I've heard about one in particular.
[LAUGHTER]
VINCE: Synecdoche, New York?
[LAUGHTER]
BRAD: No, Vince, actually I was thinking of my film, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button.
[APPLAUSE]
VINCE: Oh...
DAN: Well, let's see who wins.
VINCE: Brad, will you do the honors.
BRAD: I'd be honored to.
[LAUGHTER]
BRAD: The Luis goes to...
[BRAD OPENS ENVELOPE]
BRAD: The Visioneers?
DAN: Yeah, unlike Synecdoche, New York and your film The Over-long Case of Benjamin Button, The Visioneers didn't get a big theatrical release this year, in fact I'm not even sure it has a distributor yet. But it is awesome and we do hope people get a chance to see it. And it's really important to promote independent film, true independent film, isn't that right, Brad?
[BRAD'S PUBLICIST STEPS IN FROM OUT OF FRAME]
PUBLICIST: We have to stop this now...
VINCE: What do you mean?
PUBLICIST: No. Off. Turn the camera off.
[PRE-RECORDED VIDEO ENDS]
VINCE: Dan, colon, well that was fun, dot, dot, dot, Vince, colon, yeah. good-bye everyone. Dan, colon, This is Dan, Vince, colon, and this is Vince, Dan, colon, and we'll see you right here next year for the, in unison, colon, Luis Awards 2010!
LUIS AWARDS: Most Surreal Performance
ANNOUNCER: Ladies and Gentleman, from the Actor's Studio, please welcome James Lipton.
[APPLAUSE]
JAMES: Who has my keys? Which one of you sons of bitches have my keys? I want my keys!
[PRE-RECORDED VIDEO OF DAN AND VINCE STARTS]
DAN: You ready?
VINCE: Go!
[VINCE BEGINS CHUGGING A GALLON OF WATER]
DAN: I've only got a minute, so I'll keep this quick. Lots of great performances this year. Catherine Deneuve in A Christmas Tale- it was good, but not surreal. Crispin Glover was in a Herschell Gordon Lewis remake... I mean, c'mon...
[VINCE CONTINUES CHUGGING AND SIGNALS FOR DAN TO SPEED UP]
DAN: Even we have to admit that Heath Ledger was amazing as the Joker in The Dark Knight, the kind of performance that jumps off the screen and gives you a totally new perspective on a character that-
[VINCE CAN"T CHUG ANYMORE. DROPS THE GALLON OF WATER. WATER SPRAYS EVERYWHERE. VINCE WALKS AWAY.]
DAN: Um, The Most Surreal Performance this year didn't happen in the movies. It happened in real-life, like all good art in our opinion. We're going to give the award to Samuel Wurzelbacher who played the character of "Joe the Plumber" in the 2008 Election. He's not named Joe, he's not a licensed plumber- and now he's become a political pundit, a member of the press who travels to war-zones and talks about how the press shouldn't be in war-zones. Sam, you so crazy. And while we really appreciate all the zaniness you added to our 2008, we're sort of sick of you and not sure why we had to listen to you in the first place. So take your award and go away. Please.
See you back here in two hours...
Keep Reading LUIS AWARDS: Most Surreal Film...
[APPLAUSE]
JAMES: Who has my keys? Which one of you sons of bitches have my keys? I want my keys!
[PRE-RECORDED VIDEO OF DAN AND VINCE STARTS]
DAN: You ready?
VINCE: Go!
[VINCE BEGINS CHUGGING A GALLON OF WATER]
DAN: I've only got a minute, so I'll keep this quick. Lots of great performances this year. Catherine Deneuve in A Christmas Tale- it was good, but not surreal. Crispin Glover was in a Herschell Gordon Lewis remake... I mean, c'mon...
[VINCE CONTINUES CHUGGING AND SIGNALS FOR DAN TO SPEED UP]
DAN: Even we have to admit that Heath Ledger was amazing as the Joker in The Dark Knight, the kind of performance that jumps off the screen and gives you a totally new perspective on a character that-
[VINCE CAN"T CHUG ANYMORE. DROPS THE GALLON OF WATER. WATER SPRAYS EVERYWHERE. VINCE WALKS AWAY.]
DAN: Um, The Most Surreal Performance this year didn't happen in the movies. It happened in real-life, like all good art in our opinion. We're going to give the award to Samuel Wurzelbacher who played the character of "Joe the Plumber" in the 2008 Election. He's not named Joe, he's not a licensed plumber- and now he's become a political pundit, a member of the press who travels to war-zones and talks about how the press shouldn't be in war-zones. Sam, you so crazy. And while we really appreciate all the zaniness you added to our 2008, we're sort of sick of you and not sure why we had to listen to you in the first place. So take your award and go away. Please.
See you back here in two hours...
Keep Reading LUIS AWARDS: Most Surreal Film...
LUIS AWARDS: Most Unintentionally Surreal Movie
ANNOUNCER: She's a Golden Girl and he's Guerrilla, Ladies and Gentleman please welcome Betty White and Benecio del Toro.
[APPLAUSE]
BENECIO: You know Betty, no one sets out to make a bad movie-
BETTY: Well you wouldn't know it if you went to the movies this year.
[LAUGHTER]
BENECIO: What's the worst thing you saw at the theater in 2008, Betty?
BETTY: Oh, it's the same worst movie I've seen every year- Battlefield Earth. I don't know why I keep watching it...
[LAUGHTER]
BENECIO: Well all the nominees in this category were released this year...
BETTY: And even I won't be watching them again!
[LAUGHTER]
BENECIO: Ladies and Gentleman, the Most Unintentionally Surreal Movie.
[PRE-RECORDED VIDEO OF DAN AND VINCE STARTS]
DAN AND VINCE (speaking in unison): There were a lot of mediocre films this year, and there were a lot of films that weren't as good as we hoped. But there is only two movies that can truly be considered the Most Unintentionally Surreal.
VINCE: That sounds awkward.
DAN: Yeah. We'll re-write it and do it again...
DAN AND VINCE (speaking in unison): So the award this year goes to...
DISASTER MOVIE and MEET THE SPARTANS
These two films replace plot with pastiche and jokes with simple reenactments of scenes from other films. The title of Disaster Movie is completely dadaist- not to mention the fact that it begs its critics to make a joke out of it. A joke which would be funnier than anything in the movie. While Meet the Spartans breaks from the usual Friedberg / Seltzer naming convention, it does show us the brilliant formula they use to make their movies; ONE CRAPPY MOVIE + ANOTHER CRAPPY MOVIE = OUR FILM, WHICH IS REALLY CRAPPY. The more I think about it, the more I think this surrealism may not be so Unintentional after all.
See you back here in two hours...
Keep Reading LUIS AWARDS: Most Surreal Performance...
[APPLAUSE]
BENECIO: You know Betty, no one sets out to make a bad movie-
BETTY: Well you wouldn't know it if you went to the movies this year.
[LAUGHTER]
BENECIO: What's the worst thing you saw at the theater in 2008, Betty?
BETTY: Oh, it's the same worst movie I've seen every year- Battlefield Earth. I don't know why I keep watching it...
[LAUGHTER]
BENECIO: Well all the nominees in this category were released this year...
BETTY: And even I won't be watching them again!
[LAUGHTER]
BENECIO: Ladies and Gentleman, the Most Unintentionally Surreal Movie.
[PRE-RECORDED VIDEO OF DAN AND VINCE STARTS]
DAN AND VINCE (speaking in unison): There were a lot of mediocre films this year, and there were a lot of films that weren't as good as we hoped. But there is only two movies that can truly be considered the Most Unintentionally Surreal.
VINCE: That sounds awkward.
DAN: Yeah. We'll re-write it and do it again...
DAN AND VINCE (speaking in unison): So the award this year goes to...
DISASTER MOVIE and MEET THE SPARTANS
These two films replace plot with pastiche and jokes with simple reenactments of scenes from other films. The title of Disaster Movie is completely dadaist- not to mention the fact that it begs its critics to make a joke out of it. A joke which would be funnier than anything in the movie. While Meet the Spartans breaks from the usual Friedberg / Seltzer naming convention, it does show us the brilliant formula they use to make their movies; ONE CRAPPY MOVIE + ANOTHER CRAPPY MOVIE = OUR FILM, WHICH IS REALLY CRAPPY. The more I think about it, the more I think this surrealism may not be so Unintentional after all.
See you back here in two hours...
Keep Reading LUIS AWARDS: Most Surreal Performance...
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