These Things Come in Threes...

First Ingmar Bergman, then Michelangelo Antonioni... well we all know that these things come in threes.

So who's it going to be?

Which world famous auteur are we going to lose next?

Post your predictions below.

Dan.

Our Only Bergman Story

Like many of you, we are saddened at the death of Ingmar Bergman, who was quite possibly the world's greatest living filmmaker. Our lights are all a bit dimmer for his passing. Having never met Bergman, we leave you with this (true) story in lieu of a personal remembrance:

As many of you know, a few years ago, a film school student made a documentary about Dan and I, in which he followed me to a park where I performed as a "Surrealist Mime," which meant that I talked to a bunch of people and refused to juggle. If you haven't seen the clip, you can go here to watch the video.

Now, when I was in college, I audited a Films of Ingmar Bergman class taught by this woman who was from Yonkers or somewhere but just happened to speak Swedish. From watching Bergman movies, I myself happen to know a little Swedish. It is this (and forgive the spelling): "Nay tak, mur. Jag er durden." Which translates as "No thank you, mother. I am death."

So we're at the park, but we're finished and heading back to the van, and as we're walking out, I see this woman bobbing toward us. It is the Yonkers-woman from the Bergman class. And because she is one of those people who believes themselves to be funny when they are, in fact, not, she says to me "Nice tan," I'm assuming because she thinks it will prompt me to do a flip.

No flips, though, and I reply "Thanks." She gets this effronted look on her face and yells "You're not supposed to talk!"

To which I reply "Jag er durden."

Here's the thing: She didn't recognize me. I was a total stranger to her. Plus, we were in Texas, and she is, I am quite certain, the only person in Texas who speaks Swedish. So she's all "doo-doodoo," walking to the park one day and she sees this mime, who looks at her and tells her in a language only she understands "I am death."

She froze on the spot. I kept walking like nothing had happened. I haven't seen her since, but I'm sure that to this day she has an abiding and deeply realized fear of mimes, and heads the other way every time she sees one.

Wouldn't you?

So good night, Ingmar Bergman, and thank you.


Vince out.

Some Amazing Jokes...

Last night we came across issue four of "Britain's First Alternative Kid's Comic" Acne.

Here are some jokes from the Daft Jokes section of the magazine, and... Wow! There are some really great jokes in here.

"What have an apple and and an orange got in common?"
"Neither of them are orange except the orange."

"What has two legs and bleeds?"
"Half a dog"

"Wot's the definition of a snail?"
"A bogie wearing a crash helmet"

"Knock, knock"
"Who's there"
"Fred"
"Fred who?"
"Clint Eastwood"

"How do you make a dog drink?"
"Liquidize it"

"Why did the skeleton burp?"
"'Cuz he didn't have the guts to fart."

"Why did E.T. kill himself?"
"Because he got his phone bill"

"What's red and invisible?"
"No tomatoes"

Dan.

Reader E-mail: "Hey!"

Today's e-mail comes from MySpace user Brookyln.

Hey! How are you? Looking for a date? Tons of people sign-up for this dating website that helps them find people in their area...And if you want a date this weekend, check it out. It's free and there's tons of people signing up. Copy/paste this link -- http://www.thefsw.com/dating -- in your browser to check it out! Bye!

Our response:

Damn dude, this is absolutely amaze!

Just the other day I was all "Hey" and then Vince was all "yo" and then I was all "hey" then he said "yo" a couple more times. Then evench, we got to talking and we talking about how we should totally get our shoes into these ass-y dating services. I'll paste this link directly into the browser rectangle hole.

Then I will be there.

Is that how the computer works?

I don't know how the computer works.

E-mail me back, I'm curious.

Curious about how the computer works.

Dan.

"...fooding..."

So here's the set-up at La Casa* de Dan and Vince, my computer is in my bedroom, Vince's is in his room.

We exchange IMs through out the day about, you know, whatever... what's on TV, funny links, you know...

Anyway, today Vince went into the kitchen to get some Go-Tarts** and noticed that the sink was running, filling up and spilling onto the floor.

He did what any responsible renter would do, he ran into his room and IMed me. Here is that conversation:

VINCE: Kitchen is fooding.
DAN: Oh crap!

(Dan has left the chat)
(Dan has joined the chat)

DAN: I got the food out of there.
VINCE: Ok.
DAN: So no worries there roomie.
VINCE: Um...
DAN: Yeah.
VINCE: Did you turn the sink off?
DAN: No.
DAN: Did you need me to?
DAN: I wish you woulda told me, I was just in the kitchen.
VINCE: What did you do in the kitchen?
DAN: I'm not going back in there.
DAN: I was getting the food out.
VINCE: Why?
DAN: The kitchen was fooding, and I didn't want it to food any of our food.
VINCE: Food?
DAN: Yeah, the stuff you eat.
VINCE: I mean food (verb)?
DAN: Eating or using food, you call that fooding.
VINCE: No you don't.
DAN: ?
VINCE: You call it eating.
DAN: Oh.
DAN: Oh crap.

(Dan has left the chat)
(Dan has joined the chat)

VINCE: What did you just do?
DAN: I put the food back in there.
VINCE: Did you turn the sink off?
DAN: No.
DAN: Don't worry.

(Dan has left the chat)
(Vince has left the chat)
(Dan has joined the chat)
(Vince has joined the chat)

DAN: That was weird that we both went to the kitchen just then.
VINCE: Yeah.
DAN: I really like Go-Tarts.
VINCE: Me too.
DAN: I like fooding them.

That's all folks.

Dan.

* Casa means apartment, right?
** Like Pop-Tarts, but for when you're on the go. Personally I think a better name would be Portab-a-tarts, but that's just me.