We're in Repeats... (Part 1)

The strike is still on, kids, so there's no new surrealism from Dan and Vince... But it would be unfair for us to deny you of alll surrealism.

So we present repeats:

ON STRIKE!

I'm not supposed to be writing (apparently) but I wanted to let everyone know that Dan and Vince on behalf of the Practicing Surrealists Union of America (PSUA) will be on strike to show their support for the Writer's Guild of America.

What does this mean? Well, we're not going to be doing any surrealing until the WGA gets what they want.

Unity, Forever! Non-Unity, Never!

Oh, yeah, also, we have an art show coming up soon... more on that later... but that doesn't count as us 'working' see because, uh- hey, look at that over there!!!

Dan.

Great Moments in Wikipedia Vandalism, Part 3

This showed up on the Wikipedia entry for sitcom creator Chuck Lorre, no doubt in honor of his new show on CBS, The Big Bang Theory.

We can't decide who we think is madder -- this guy at Chuck Lorre, or that guy back in March who was mad at Larry Charles after Borat came out. You be the judge.

Unlike most sitcom show runners, Lorre takes a "hands on" approach to writing each episode. Even though the show has a staff of writers, he doesn't trust their talent or expertise and instead writes every episode in the "writers room." And rather than give individual writers credit on episodes (and appropriate residuals, or royalties) he and his co-show-runners put their names on every script, guaranteeing them more money than their already exorbitant executive producer salaries.

Lorre has been regularly despised and feared by his production staffs for years, and continues to intimidate the people who work for him as well as the networks and production companies who employ him, in order to compensate for his own insecurities.

Dan.

Great Moments in Wikipedia Thievery, Part I

As our loyal readers well know, Dan has been offering up a series of blogs called "Great Moments in Wikipedia Vandalism" for months now. He spends hours upon hours that might be more productively spent sleeping (where do you think a Surrealist's ideas come from?), fooding, YouTubing, MySpacing, IMing, or banging pots and pans together combing through the 1,989,575 articles on Wikipedia, all for your benefit.

Now it comes to our attention that The Onion has been reading and repurposing Dan's blogs without giving appropriate credit.

Here's the Onion story:

Hard To Tell If Wikipedia Entry On Dada Has Been Vandalized Or Not

August 20, 2007 | Issue 43•34

ZURICH, SWITZERLAND—The Wikipedia entry on Dada—the World War I–era "anti-art" movement characterized by random nonsense words, bizarre photocollage, and the repurposing of pre-existing material to strange and disturbing effect—may or may not have been severely vandalized, sources said Monday.

"This is either totally messed up or completely accurate," said Reed College art history major Ted Brendon. "There's a mustache drawn on the photo of Marcel Duchamp, the font size keeps changing, and halfway through, the type starts going in a circle. Also, the majority of the actual entry is made up of Krazy Kat cartoons with abstract poetry written in the dialogue balloons."

The fact that the web page continually reverts to a "normal" state, observers say, is either evidence that ongoing vandalization is being deleted through vigilant updating, or a deliberate statement on the impermanence of superficial petit-bourgeois culture in the age of modernity.

So a pair of Surrealists run an ongoing column on Wikipedia Vandalism, and all of a sudden a humor magazine runs a piece on Wikipedia Vandalism and Dada? I don't think it takes out-of-the-ordinary mental acuity to see the connection here. Next thing you know, they're going to scoop us on finding the Greatest Pimp in the World.

Mr. Onion, I hope you're happy. I'm having to do this post because I can't get Dan to stop crying. Or, more literally, I can't get him to stop IMing me "boo-hoo. boo-hoo. boo-hoo." It's gotten to where I can't get any work done a-t'all.

We don't object, we merely ask that you cite sources. And by sources, we mean us.

Vince out.

Just FYI: The Greatest Pimp in the World

For those of you who have been searching tirelessly, you can stop -- Dan and I have found the Greatest Pimp in the World.

We were driving up La Brea this morning, and sitting at the light right in front of Grey Goose Framing, where they've got the giant Gort statue in the window, and that's when it happened.

A guy in a silver 4Runner cut us off, but we didn't get mad, because we immediately understood that we were in the presence of greatness. Behind the wheel was a white guy wearing a bandana on his head and then a ball cap on top of that, he had sunglasses on that looked like ski goggles, and had one of those hands-free cell phone things dangling from his ear. Not Bluetooth, no, the dinky little cord-thing with a microphone that looks like a peanut about halfway down it. Then, on his back window, was an alumni sticker from "The Universtiy of Pimpin" and his licence plate read "HAREM." And I turned to Dan and said "That tears it. Greatest Pimp in the World." We high-fived and then stopped for Slurpees at the next block.

Sure, some of you might be thinking "No white guy could be the Greatest Pimp in the World," or "Are you sure he actually GRADUATED from the University of Pimpin?" or "If he's the Greatest Pimp in the World, why was he clearly living out of his 4Runner with all of his clothes hanging up in the back and a rolled-up sleeping bag on the back seat?"

See, that's just how he rolls. Humility and Greatness, they go together like Pimps and Hos.


Vince out.

These Things Come in Threes...

First Ingmar Bergman, then Michelangelo Antonioni... well we all know that these things come in threes.

So who's it going to be?

Which world famous auteur are we going to lose next?

Post your predictions below.

Dan.

Our Only Bergman Story

Like many of you, we are saddened at the death of Ingmar Bergman, who was quite possibly the world's greatest living filmmaker. Our lights are all a bit dimmer for his passing. Having never met Bergman, we leave you with this (true) story in lieu of a personal remembrance:

As many of you know, a few years ago, a film school student made a documentary about Dan and I, in which he followed me to a park where I performed as a "Surrealist Mime," which meant that I talked to a bunch of people and refused to juggle. If you haven't seen the clip, you can go here to watch the video.

Now, when I was in college, I audited a Films of Ingmar Bergman class taught by this woman who was from Yonkers or somewhere but just happened to speak Swedish. From watching Bergman movies, I myself happen to know a little Swedish. It is this (and forgive the spelling): "Nay tak, mur. Jag er durden." Which translates as "No thank you, mother. I am death."

So we're at the park, but we're finished and heading back to the van, and as we're walking out, I see this woman bobbing toward us. It is the Yonkers-woman from the Bergman class. And because she is one of those people who believes themselves to be funny when they are, in fact, not, she says to me "Nice tan," I'm assuming because she thinks it will prompt me to do a flip.

No flips, though, and I reply "Thanks." She gets this effronted look on her face and yells "You're not supposed to talk!"

To which I reply "Jag er durden."

Here's the thing: She didn't recognize me. I was a total stranger to her. Plus, we were in Texas, and she is, I am quite certain, the only person in Texas who speaks Swedish. So she's all "doo-doodoo," walking to the park one day and she sees this mime, who looks at her and tells her in a language only she understands "I am death."

She froze on the spot. I kept walking like nothing had happened. I haven't seen her since, but I'm sure that to this day she has an abiding and deeply realized fear of mimes, and heads the other way every time she sees one.

Wouldn't you?

So good night, Ingmar Bergman, and thank you.


Vince out.