Update: Surrealist Magnum Opus

A while back, I invited everybody to contribute lines to the First Ever Dan and Vince and the Whole World's Surrealist Magnum Opus...Print Edition. Well, it's not proceeding quite at the pace I envisioned, but it is progressing, so I wanted to give everybody an update.

Here's what we've got so far:

A fish popsicle, trying to breathe, trying to prove to a Zambian expat that, if you put your mind to it, anything is possible. Je suis une main. Ma poubelle est pourpre.
“Take Me Out to the Ballgame,” I said, “is actually a communist propaganda song. Have you heard the other verses?” The ingredients of water are as follows: water. Certain trees -- some deciduous, some coniferous, some man-eating – have been known to hazard the arduous trek between Grand Rapids and St. Louis. Which is in Michigan. Stay clear of them. They wish not to be seen.
“My pants! What have they done to my pants!” MTV has stolen my children.
Coolidge, Jennifer M. 310.953.8513
Coolidge, Jennifer Y. 323.232.9001
Coolidge, Xerxes S. 310.496.3481
Coolkamp, P.P. 213.898.3344
The PA crackled again. “Please report to the principal’s office.” I wept. The sun hit Raymond Chandler’s grave at 7:14 am, PDT, this morning. Is this for real? Are you guys really doing this? Ok, then here’s my contribution: “You guys are dumb. Art is gay.” If I don’t receive your rent check by 8:00 a.m. on the 12th of this month, I’d better see a moving van out front or I’m calling the cops. I’m tired of telling you two.
De förväntades un utföra icke-verbala förtrollningar, inte bara i försvar mot svartkonster utan också i trollformellära och förvandlingskonst. Regularly adding funds to your account can help you achieve your financial goals. Unluckily for Dr. Matthews, there is not the slightest sign that the novelists and newspaper men on the two sides of the ocean will ever bring themselves to such eschewing. On the contrary, they apparently delight in the use of the “localisms” he denounces, and the result is a growing difficulty of intercommunication.
Her bodice torn, the duchess stumbled into the hall, fell to her knees, and pronounced for all to hear, “At long last, behold! I am a woman, truly.”
“You want to go get some tacos?”
“I don’t know. They still on sale?”
“Oh yeah. That goes through the end of the month.”
“Then hells yeah. Tacos is tasty.”
I saw a girl wearing a shirt that said “Make awkward sexual advances, not war,” so I went up and asked her if she’d like to play hide the salami sometime, but I stuttered a little while I asked. I thought it was what she wanted. But then she slapped me, so I booked a plane to Cambodia, and the villagers there never knew what hit them.

Good work, Whole World. Keep the submissions coming.

Vince out.

Extremely Purposeful Surrealist Prose

Today we're announcing the beginning of the First Ever Dan and Vince and the Whole World's Surrealist Magnum Opus...Print Edition. Here's how it works. I give you the first line of what will become an epic work of Surrealist fiction, and you add the next line. Just one line at a time, please. If you have lots to contribute, please wait for the next person to post before you add to what you've already posted. Don't worry. It'll still make sense.

In the spirit of true Surrealism, since we're inviting the entire world to participate, we're telling no one. We're not promoting this blog through our normal channels, nor will we bring it up in conversation, or even obliquely hint at it in the coded messages we routinely slip into the New York Times.

I'm not even telling Dan.

So here you go. Let the work begin...

Vince out.

First line:
"A fish popsicle, trying to breathe, trying to prove to a Zambian expat that, if you put your mind to it, anything is possible."