Unintentional Surrealism Awards

Time once again for Dan and Vince's Unintentional Surrealism Awards. This year's recipients are:

Best Digital Cable Listing:
Turner Classic Movies, "Here Comes Trouble" - "A cub reporter helps solve the murder of a stripper. (1948), (Comedy)."

Best Overheard Conversation Fragment:
That guy who walked past at the Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf - "And then you stand up from the chair and suddenly you've got an assful of chlamydia."

Best Random Action of a Public Official:
The Parking Enforcement officer who drove past a line of parked cars with a wet sponge tied to the end of a metal stick, rubbing the sponge on the wheels of the cars.

Best Election-Year Election Results:
From CNN.com - Muskogee, Oklahoma Elects 19-Year-Old Mayor — A 19-year-old freshman at the University of Oklahoma was elected mayor Tuesday of Muskogee, a city of 38,000 in the northeastern part of the state.

Best Surreptitious Way to Ensure Your Shareholders Fire You:
Speed Racer.

To all the nominees who didn't take home the coveted Dan and Vince Tube O' Ground Beef Trophy this year, try harder. Or, alternately, try less hard and hope the universe favors irony.

Vince Out.

Confirmed! John McCain, Don Rickles Actually Same Person

You heard it here first, folks. DNA evidence confirms it.

So when "John McCain" announces his running mate will be George Carlin, don't say we didn't warn you.

And a note to everybody at the FCC: with Vice President Carlin to look forward to, just start packing up your offices now.