A Surrealist's Perspective: Why INCEPTION Sucks

Ok, blah blah blah INCEPTION...what's the deal with the spinning...whatever...but wait, wasn't Mombassa a lot like...never mind...and how come the kids...shut up.

Here's why INCEPTION is complete and utter garbage: It's a movie about dreams, right? Right. So here's my question -- WHERE'S THE SURREALISM?

There's a lot of slow-motion, which you could maybe say evokes the dream state kind of because whenever I need to punch somebody in my dreams for whatever reason I can only punch very, very slowly, but that just may be me. And sure, Ellen Page turns Paris upside down, but that's for like a second. And then she does some crap with a big mirror, but then that's over, too, and suddenly she's being stabbed in the stomach, which I guess teaches her to not do anything Surreal in dreamland.

They're supposed to not do anything weird in the dream, so as not to attract attention to themselves. But my question is -- in a dream -- in a real dream, not this Hollywood digi-FX mockery -- by not doing anything weird, wouldn't you be the only one actually behaving normally, and wouldn't you therefore attract attention to yourself? Take this last Saturday night -- I had a dream that me and Dan went to Vegas, and he was out shopping with Angelina Jolie and Natalie Portman, and the three of them were given several thousands of dollars worth of free merchandise at this one store. I was gambling in a casino built on the tiers of this giant fountain with escalators that used the falling water of the fountain as their frames, and I mentioned this free merch to someone, who told me it was really a scam designed to set up easy marks for a prominent ring of Vegas thieves, because the expectation was that beautiful people were more gullible. Beautiful people like Angelina Jolie, Natalie Portman, and Dan.

None of this makes any sense, right? Right. Because IT WAS A DREAM. Does INCEPTION make sense? Yes. Maybe it's a little confusing in parts, but it makes sense. Where are the waterfall escalators? Where is Martin Scorcesse in a Van Gogh? And where is Tom Waits as the Devil?

Take that, Chris Nolan.

But, apart from that, I thought the rest of the movie -- you know, the acting, the plot, the storytelling, the Marion Cotillard, that stuff -- was really good. Like, really, really good. And the thing was totally going to fall. You know what I'm talking about.

Totally going to fall.

Vince out.