What Surreal Ain't

You hear the word “surreal” tossed around a lot these days, usually incorrectly, so here’s a quick primer, with real examples, on when we ought and ought not use the word “surreal.”

Any time you hear the word “surreal” used by an eyewitness of anything – Incorrect
Clouds swirling in a tight spiral, reaching down from the sky, and causing irreparable damage – That’s called “a tornado.”
People killed in sudden, unexpected ways – That’s called “tragic.”
Visiting somewhere in the world you never thought you’d go – That’s called “buying an airplane ticket.”
Winning a sporting event you thought you’d lose – That’s called “unexpected.”

The list goes on and you get the idea. Now for some recent, specific examples:

The VH1 Program “The Surreal Life” – Incorrect.
There’s nothing surreal about the least-known Arquette sibling and George Jefferson living in a house together unless they’re forced to strap donkeys to pianos and drag them across the living room. We all know what this show really is, so they might as well call a thing by its name: “Washed-Up Has-Been Real World Knockoff on a Competing Network.”

L.A. Times Travel Section headline – Incorrect
From the March 21 L.A. Times: “LAS VEGAS, THE CITY OF SURREAL SHOPPING. Shopping for that perfect G-string? Seeking the definitive NBA tipsheet — or a zebra-striped chaise longue shaped like a platform shoe?” I don’t want to speculate about what truly surreal shopping might be, but I know it would be far more frightening than going somewhere and exchanging money for tacky goods. Apart from the price tags, that’s the same kind of decidedly real shopping that happens at Wal-Marts all across the country every day. Always.

And here’s a shocking one from today’s St. Petersburg (FL) Times:
Headline: DALI MUSEUM’S START A BIT SURREAL ITSELF – Incorrect
The Salvador Dali Museum in Tampa Bay is celebrating its 25th anniversary. The museum began in 1982 in an abandoned marine warehouse as a venue to showcase the large Dali collection of Eleanor and Reynolds Morse. For the first five years, things didn’t go so well, but then they hired a new museum director in 1987, and he got the museum on its feet. The proper adjective to describe this story isn’t “surreal.” A better choice would be “mundane.”

Now in 1982, Dali was still alive. Knowing that, let’s see how we could fix this article, and make their application of the word “surreal” more appropriate:

“In 1982, Salvador Dali crossed the Atlantic in a homemade version of one of Leonardo DaVinci’s flying machines, and landed on the roof of an abandoned marine warehouse in Tampa Bay, Florida. After the hazardous journey, the 78-year-old Dali nearly succumbed to starvation and exhaustion, and was forced to eat his moustache to stay alive. A group of visiting pygmies attending a scuba diving academy found Dali and helped him turn the wreckage of his flying machine into a memorial to the amazing solo trip before helping him to a nearby zoo, where the artist was spoon-fed lemon ices until he regained his strength and attained return passage to Spain in exchange for doing a series of commercials for Braniff Airlines. Moved by the story of Dali’s trip, Eleanor and Reynolds Morse bought a number of his paintings and placed them in the abandoned Tampa warehouse, using only a hand-painted sign reading “Live Bait” as advertising. Now, 25 years later, the Salvador Dali Museum has become a cultural landmark.”

Now that would’ve been surreal.

Vince out.